| i'll find it in cyberspace
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Xiada
| 4am and the | 1 |
14th consecutive night | 2 |
searching to find | 3 |
how the story | 4 |
of this boy and girl | 5 |
ended, is ending | 6 |
will end | 7 |
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and if i can't find that, | 8 |
at least some | 9 |
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factoid | 10 |
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9 Nov 05 |
Rated 9 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (4): 6, 8, 8, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(13 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
ending is.. unsatisfying. Factoid. Ew.
— Cloudless
hey cloudless,
obviously it doesnt fit. thats the theme of the poem--the person has become sleepless, a trait that is not fit to their personality.
constructive criticism always welcome. but you have to make some suggestions for it to be constructive.
— Xiada
i liked the ending
— unknown
i think you could make this shorter around 3-9, by tightening your phrasing. i like the end too.
— bettalpha
okay. i agree with you about making it shorter. i thought about it and took another cut. hows that read?
— Xiada
Sorry, I suppose ew was offensive, its just what I thought. Maybe if you put it on a sperate line
and if i can't find that,
at least some
; factoid
it would show the uncertainty of the word, the sleepless groping.. at least that's what I think you're trying to tell me. And at least that's what I think might help. And I think I like the cuts.
— Cloudless
thanks for the suggestion cloudless.
also, i changed the title to further trim down some wording. what thinks you?
— Xiada
I like it just as is. There's something oddly satisfying about "factoid" in this context. I'll be back to read your other stuff.
— graceinmtl
nice.
i can relate..perhaps a bit too much, to this one.
— Estrella
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