| The Fury Cools like Ash
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listen
| Molten, lava hidden away. | 1 |
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A melting world below it, | 2 |
a village, long under | 3 |
sinful turmoil, infesting, | 4 |
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like worms in soil. The | 5 |
toil is more than the people | 6 |
can change. | 7 |
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But the future— | 8 |
can they change that? | 9 |
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The people wouldn’t, | 10 |
couldn’t ever know. Too | 11 |
long have they killed themselves in | 12 |
hate, bitter treatment, twisted | 13 |
intention. The battles among | 14 |
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themselves. Never ceasing. | 15 |
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Until it burst. Could no longer handle anymore. | 16 |
The volcano. Perhaps watching the wickedness | 17 |
below. | 18 |
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Never ceasing, | 19 |
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this flow, going down, pooling into | 20 |
the village. Like a divinity | 21 |
spilling its wrath. | 22 |
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11 Nov 05 |
Rated 6 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 6
Inactive (1): 10
(define the words in this poem)
(161 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
Anger, hate, and the world’s thick grime
13
Caused the tightened volcano to free
14
Itself, and so commit the crime
15
Of emotions that burst from a natural divinity.
16
interesting
— modioperandi
thank you.
— listen
i'll probably redo it, make it a little better.
— listen
like that.
— listen
Line 1 - this dead what?
line 9-10: flowing among the interior. Among usually means more than one, what is it in reference to here? You could change stream to streams, that would help it make sense.
Considering a mountain with an all-knowing brain is a stretch for me. I can't quite fathom it. Anger and hate have nothing to do with it, pressure and time are the masters of this force. You might want to reconsider giving a volcano human traits.
Or else make the mountain personal, let it tell the story from inside.
— Isabelle5
it's an uneasy poem. i'll redo it.
— listen
redid it. isabelle, thanks for your help. hope you get to read this.
— listen
I think you should stop writing for Isabelle and write for yourself. I mean this in a good way and nothing against Isabelle either - she's a great moderator.
— Meep
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