Comments:
anyone?
— bear
hey, i love it!! the flo is a little off, but it is so deep.
— pixiejones
wait...never mind the flo is perfect. (;
— pixiejones
nice poem. in line 2 you repeated 'so' two times though, line 8 shouldn't be capitalised and line 10 shouldn't have a period. nice
— lonelygirl
thanks for pointing all that out lonely girl, but just as the is off, those little things are supposed to be wrong. perfect right?
— bear
the flow is off** just as the flow is off
— bear
yep "perfection" is perfection :-)
— lonelygirl
well the girl is perfect so everything works out
— bear
lines 13 - 15, in my opnion, should be removed for the better of the poem.
line 17 "i hope you never cease"? cease what? amazing you? i understand what you mean, but you have chosen a rather haphazardly way of writing it.
lines 18 & 19 are similar. what about that feeling? i gather you hope it never ceases, too? if that's the case, could you try actually saying that?
— inutile
i understand what lonelygirl and you have commented on, that there are intentional mistakes, and i can appreciate the irony used, but i still stand by my suggestions, as i believe they weren't intended, and are just bad english.
— inutile
sorry, won't make changes to this. i did the never cease thing on purpose. it can be interpreted in a couple of different ways. never cease to amaze me is one, another way is never cease to be, not to die. and i kind of threw lines 18 and 19 in there just to make the flow worse same goes with 13-15. but suggestions are always appreciated.
— bear
i like. i have no suggestions. i do like it the way it is. (;
~dt
— ducktape
thank you, i like to think it is perfect.
— bear
haha, yeah.
— ducktape
sorry
peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh
oh veddy sorry
i must relive myself here and now
peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh
golden showering
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh
i did so like your poem
it was like running the water fountaining
thank you
veddy veddy much
gupta
— unknown
ummmm sweet? thanks? and its relieve, not relive.
— bear
nice, great job, I can hardly see any faults if it supposed to be the way it is.
— unknown
yes it is. thank you.
— bear
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