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september 27, 2004.
pull_my_hair

dlf

i've never been good at
 1
recalling moments
 2
but i can tell you
 3
the significance of dates
 4
fractures in time
 5
detailing my past
 6
as intervals deeper
 7
than a time and place
 8
 
 
and the poets in all their prime
 9
collaborating storybook fantasies
 10
and what love should look like
 11
could never imagine
 12
that God Himself did so create
 13
a masterpiece so great
 14
on that idealistic day
 15
 
 
a painting much too beautiful
 16
that if you inhale it all at once
 17
your lungs will weaken with air
 18
and then collapse
 19
 
 
and i could tell you
 20
the pigment in his cheek bones
 21
the temperature of my blood
 22
boiling through my veins
 23
rushing to my head
 24
as it was being released
 25
every word he spoke with his eyes
 26
and then said
 27
the melody of music
 28
rolling through hills
 29
as he silently danced with me
 30
the angle at which
 31
he layed
 32
and confessed the thoughts
 33
repeating and trailing
 34
across his head
 35
the shapes of shadows
 36
enclosing the area as we neared dusk
 37
the elevation at which
 38
i lost my breath
 39
and the precise moment
 40
it was regained
 41
as he pulled me closer to him
 42
 
 
but i lose myself
 43
when i try to explain
 44
why nothing before
 45
and nothing since
 46
has been as real
 47
because of that fateful day
 48
 
 
the meaning buried between
 49
a month and a day of the week
 50
solemnly lingering on
 51
 
 
september:
 52
merely what romance has given me
 53

15 Nov 05

Rated 9.5 (7.5) by 4 users.
Active (4): 1, 10
Inactive (6): 2, 6, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10

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Comments:

i shall love this pome forever.
you, mysterious person, are as every bit as wonderful
as the subject of your pome.
 — midare

loverly, I had to go and read your other poems after this one.  
line 10 - "collaborating"?
line 37 - are you sure you need "the area" in this line, it would read tighter if you do away with these two words, I think.
I think you can do better with the ending.  Other than that, the poem has a wonderful vision to it, beautiful imagery and lots of air.
Good work,
Maria
 — slancho

incredibly done.
 — varun

if this is about sex, ill be sick
 — unknown

do you mean "buried" in l49?
 — Bombazine

beautiful..
 — insideout

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