poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Self
sleepyone

Pride arrives first,
 1
clanking.
 2
Under weight of armor
 3
 
 
Loyalty slides in gently.
 4

15 Nov 05

Rated 9 (8.9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8
Inactive (9): 2, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(16 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

deliciously witty. The duality of ponderous pride and delicate loyalty is charmingly rendered. I'm in love with this poem. Who is the poet!

A fullsome 10!
 — graceinmtl

Weird punctuation. Great imagery, a 9 from me.
 — winter

haaa..nice
i would like to see something before armor, maybe obliging
regardless --->will you uncapitalize l2.  

  
 — crepaway

hea hea/
pride always
first to the meay
trough///
before we even see it//

hea hea/

justin
 — fdostoev

i love your poem.
 — bettalpha

boss that mate.did like that.100% mate.and thats from a liverpool lad
 — tony

thanks for the comments!  Sorry, i posted anonymously by mistake.  I uncapitalized "clanking" but the weird punctuation is done on purpose.
 — sleepyone

While I would toy with the weight of these words, and break them for shifts, I can't deny the wonder in so few letters and spaces of white. You make me think: I appreciate that.
 — alicedark

yes low clanking is better--thank you for obliging :P

cp
 — unknown

Why is loyalty the thief?
 — INC8DYE

I really like this
 — unknown

Very nice.  
 — Isabelle5

0.515s