| Heard
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Aziel
| The skies roared | 1 |
with certain uncertainty. | 2 |
The ocean screamed | 3 |
its unending praise | 4 |
to a god with no name. | 5 |
Her white dress was | 6 |
smeared with mud; | 7 |
her precious tears | 8 |
were tainted with blood. | 9 |
That's the day | 10 |
he went away. | 11 |
This is then, | 12 |
that is now. | 13 |
That's the day | 14 |
she lost the race. | 15 |
In the city of ashes, | 16 |
we can pray | 17 |
but we won't be | 18 |
HEARD. | 19 |
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16 Nov 05 |
Rated 10 (9.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(40 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
The first half provides a clear image (L1-9) then it gets a bit weak, try to continue the second half with a stronger image, let us feel her pain so we can hear her.
— hobby
Very nice. Modest Mouse inspired?
Try breaking into stanzas. Break after line 5. After line 9. After 13.
Dunno. I like the last four lines.
P.S.: They say that awkward Americans
hog all the glory there is.
— claudia
Lol, Thanks for the reminder. I'm going to do something with that, Claudia.
— Aziel
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