poetry critical

online poetry workshop

four good words

while i was waking
your bath is ready

18 Nov 05

Rated 10 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (3): 4, 8, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(465 more poems by this author)

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lovely, lovely, I might need to write this one on the bathroom mirror
Maria (slancho)
 — unknown

which of these 12 words are the 4 good ones?
 — marieF

i think you could venture a guess.
 — hank

oh right yeah, it's gotta be the last 4! nice try at a poem
 — marieF

thank you. i've read yours. sorry i haven't commented.
 — hank

nice that you're giving [her] credit --->good<--- not very sentimental
nice this balances very well with whispered

at first read i read waking as walking because i have issues.

i like

 — unknown

do you need the that. it can be read without? said and whispered also introduce conflicting tones possibly?

it's really nice to have someone run a bath for you.
 — bettalpha

thanks bettalpha
 — hank

Yep, that's an improvement, but it's poor stuff.  'four good letters' and just a blank poem would have been ever so much better.
 — unknown

the best kind of poems are ones like this: short.

it says a lot. good job.
 — Xiada

beautiful. hello hank.
 — varun

 — puddles

oh yes. i remember now.
 — hank