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listen
| pushing against | 1 |
a white wall | 2 |
a clean surface | 3 |
smeared by the blood | 4 |
of his work | 5 |
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golden body | 6 |
turning black | 7 |
from heat | 8 |
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his birth | 9 |
harder | 10 |
than death | 11 |
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he cannot | 12 |
crack the wall | 13 |
that entombs him | 14 |
in his own shell | 15 |
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19 Nov 05 |
Rated 9.5 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 10
Inactive (1): 8
(define the words in this poem)
(161 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
interesting. emotive dark poem. good development of blackening colour from white.
— bettalpha
thanks.
— listen
nice poem...
maybe 'from heat' instead?
&
his birth
harder
than death
— varun
i like the way this reads now. thanks varun.
— listen
wooooooooooooooo
-varun-
— unknown
i like your style very much. i have read a few of your poems,.....and like them all for what they were. u set aside rhythm and structure (not that u dont have it)...u seem to focus on whats really important,......emotion.
— crismonblue
emotional appeal is my favorite type of writing i think. not the sentimental junk ... just a different viewpoint on emotion, or perhaps a completely different emotion all together ...
thanks for commenting.
— listen
i wonder if lines 9-11 are needed, or perhaps could even be formatted better?
this is a good poem.
— varun
thanks varun. double viewpoints are nice. i'll see what i can do about that part you're referring to.
— listen
I believe this has been written before. I think you should shy from using obvious references to colors. Not horrible overall. 7/10
— Henry
You have created an image of power trapped and confined. Clever imery.
Larry packed inside 15 stone of solid flab Lark
— larrylark
well Larry your writing suggests otherwise. thank you for providing your interpretation. it is always amusing in such a good way.
henry, a seven isn't bad, considering how simple the language was. thanks.
— listen
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