|she does it like dylan
she's folk rubber; acoustic pacifist
writing singsongs on timeclocks
once, trying to make it
and again, to turn it all around
& he's nervous, a walking blunder
as she wraps herself around him
and stands in his shadow;
but he's a made-up man of borrowed tunes
looking 'round to make sure there's no trigger
to his eyes, from all the ones he used & left behind
they call her the waif-gypsy
'cause she can make mountains of men like him
& when they've had their fill, & when they're gone
she's never-changing singsongs.
18 Jul 03
Rated 10 (6.6) by 1 users.
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mmmm perfect. don't change a thing
obsessed ani fan?
Actually, it's not about Ani at all.
It's about Joan Baez & the evolution of...Dylan.
Can't find anything to like. Reeks of a smart arse who wants people to think that they're deeper than they actually are.
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"Timeclocks"? Drop the Time or the Clocks and you'll have a real word.
Ersaph, check your local dictionary. Timeclock is a real word & used in adequate context.
i think the '&' in line 5 and the second '&' in line 13 should gooo.
wraps herself around him kind of kills the rhythm and the originality of the poem. it's a cliche and you could do better. i don't like to say "try this" because that's me making your poem mine, but try making that line say more specifically (or at least more flyfire-ly) that he is wrapped around her, filled up with her, using her words and her thoughts and her harmonies etc.
(i posted the last comment)
The 'but' in line 8 is not needed due to the semicolon in line 7. You could also replace the semicolon with a comma. I enjoyed your diction, but the flow was lacking overall. A small suggestion..."looking 'round to make sure" could be much more effective if the diction was more predominant. "lookin' 'round makin' sure," but I enjoyed this piece overall.
What is this poem trying to say? It really makes no sense to me and I've read it now quite a few times. What does it mean to be "folk rubber"? "A trigger to his eyes?" what does that mean? I guess I'd have to know Dylan for this to make any sense, so I'm sure it's well done, if you're a Dylan fan and it makes sense to you. ~Chris King 10/10
Chris, that's just it. You don't have to be a Dylan fan to understand, you have to be a Joan Baez fan. Dylan basically used her (in several ways) to achieve the status he currently has, if there was no Baez there would be no Dylan, but who is regarded as the legend? By "folk rubber" -- I was basically talking up the genre. Baez started out very traditional, and was regarded as folk but musically, her ideas were much more than that, I saw it as a sort of elasticity, thus, rubber. "Trigger to his eyes" was in reference to my feelings about Dylan's evolution. A main theme in folk music is sharing but he never really gave credit to anyone else for anything--he'd borrow entire pieces of instrumentation and change the lyrics. I always felt like the person who actually wrote it would feel some sort of resentment, and all the women he used for various things--like it would come back to haunt him via very literally trigger aimed at his head.
Thanks for the comment :)
one of the worst poems ive read in my life. i still dont believe i took the time to read this
What a lame retaliation. You're upset with my constructive criticism on your poem. Grow up.
That seems to be the problem in here flyfire. When you give a 'bad' critique of someone's poetry (even though it might be a valid critiquing), they retaliate and do the same to yours...they will also give you a one to bring your ratings down. That's why I don't bother commenting anymore (except now). I agree with Ananke...perfect.
Oh, I see it now. Those metaphors were pretty good then FlyFire now that they were explained. You should probably send it to Joan Beaz or Dylan. They'd probably appreciate it.
I scoff at the "obsessed ani fan" comment. I love the title. Even without the backstory, if you don't know who Joan Baez is and you only know vaguely of Dylan, it's, dare I say it, rather universal. I am sidestepping the soapbox on downrating and denigrating that which you don't immediately understand.
Line 5 & 13... not good to start with an ampersand. (IMHO)
Otherwise, a nice poem.
Beautiful I think
Very nice. I have no suggestions for improvement.
I really like the way line 3& 4 go together...
I'm not sure of the meaning in line 2...though
And I don't agree that dylan is "a made-up man of borrowed tunes"
But I enjoyed the way the poem was written and it made me think a little which is probably not a bad thing...
one last thing....you should change the title to "dylan does it like her"
perhaps to fit with the purpose of the poem....
or maybe "he does it like joan".....
maybe i'm wrong..
how the hell did i ever miss this one?
I will comment more later
for now, yes, yes, yes ...
makes me think, of course, of dylan's "just like a woman"
have you listened to Joan Baez and Dylan's version of "mamma you've been on my mind," the bootleg series records ... fantastic
thank you for this poem, God I love their music
more in a few hours