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Night Swimmers
larrylark

Will you swim with me?
 1
Abandon limbs for glinting tail,
 2
slinky, sleek and sinewed fins
 3
dive deep beneath our yellow sail,
 4
flash of our scales  caught,
 5
as tinsel in pale moonlight.
 6
 
 
Your pure nutrients of oxygen will sour
 7
in oil welling waters,
 8
like bitters, brackish in a gin nip,
 9
giving barely a pins width
 10
through which to sieve pure air.
 11
 
 
Jaded bloom of warm breath spreads
 12
like a luxuriant hot house flower
 13
against each lead sealed mask.
 14
That is how you will swim with me,
 15
through froths of foaming seas.
 16
Thickened mist, condensed cloud,
 17
shrouding sight of the way home.
 18

10 Jan 06

Rated 8 (8.5) by 1 users.
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Comments:

very good. it sounds like some kind of story of 2 animals in the sea. good imagery and good word choice. is this possibly about eels?
 — infinity

Thanks for commenting .I thought this one was going to get totally lost.The poem is a metaphor for a relationship in which freedom is to an extent shackled by the compromises that have to be made in any deep long lasting spiritual unoin.
 — larrylark

i guess it's not about eels maybe about seals or ills
 — unknown

Lary, nice work. I especially like the opening stanza, I think I have recently read another of your works where the opening stanza really draws you in (man in a bar) this does the same.

L2 - there's an extra space between the tail and the comma
L3 - insert a space after the coma after sleek.
L12 - would you consider changing 'will spread' for 'extending'
L17 - insert a space after the coma after mist.
 — hobby

Thanks hobby, I will consider the changes you suggest
 — larrylark

angelica houston giving head to the jaguar shark?
 — unknown

Actually I was thinking more along the lines of Hilary Clinton kissing a piranha
 — larrylark

I'd be just as happy if you had only the first stanza.  Makes me want to find a pool and dive in.  
 — Isabelle5

Dear Isabelle

Does that mean you treble glad that you've got all three?

Larry Tryptich Lark
 — larrylark

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