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Snapshot At The Undertakers
larrylark

"For Christ's sake,
 1
hurry up,she'll be here
 2
to see him made up in a minute.
 3
How in heaven did you cock it up?
 4
Push on his arm,one two three heave.
 5
No, it won't move, knock on his knee
 6
tug on his sleeve, sit on the lid.
 7
How on earth did you let rigor mortis set in?
 8
I'm gonna have to saw it off
 9
and hope she doesn't notice.
 10
Pass me the drill and the hedge trimmer,
 11
it does it quicker. Pull down the blinds,
 12
It'll ruin us if she finds out.
 13
Oh Jesus! look what I've done.
 14
Trimmer slipped,took off his head.
 15
Quick, stick it back on
 16
with that industrial glue.
 17
Here she is.
 18
Pull the robe up to his chin.
 19
Hello Mrs. Morte, do come in.
 20
He looks twenty years younger
 21
and really well; I always said
 22
he was a good looking fella."
 23

25 Jan 06

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Comments:

lol- love it!
 — ProzacNation

haha   you evil man. love.
 — unknown

Okay, maybe I own and have read too many forensics books to enjoy this.  Rigor Mortis cannot be regulated.  It occurs within a few hours after death and diminishes within several hours after that.  By the time a person is en-casketed, it had better be gone!  The body keeps dying for hours after the heart and brain.  It's interesting to note that the lactic acid burn you feel a day or two after a hard muscle work out is the same thing that happens in rigor mortis as the cells die.  

This is faintly gruesome!  
 — Isabelle5

Dear Isabelle

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Larry information overload Lark
 — unknown

Dear ProzacNation

Glad you find the subject of the dead something to laugh about, well i think its a dam disgrace and typical of the collapse of the moral fibre due to the vast increase in prozac consumption in the western world TEE HEE HEE

Larry bust a gut Lark
 — unknown

Dera Unknown

Me evil? Never

Larry Holy Joe Lark
 — unknown

disappearing post
 — unknown

Dear Unknown

your post reminded me of the time we were going out to play football and someone had stolen one of the goal posts.We asked an old lady if she'd stand in as a replacement and she did for the whole 90 minutes after which we took her to the launderette so that all the muddy ball stains could be washed off her and we also shampoo'd her dog then we took her to the Bingo hall where she won 100 pounds ans gave it us to buy a new post later that evening she died and we buried her with full military honours

Larry league against cruel sports Lark
 — larrylark

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