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How can one love this world so dearly
sparrow

How can one love this world so dearly,
 1
So much of it is dark and dreary.
 2
Have not these icy winds of stone,
 3
Which pierce the unprotected heart,
 4
In this world always played a part,
 5
In making our love's work undone?
 6
 
 
How can one love this world, so lost
 7
are we-and at what bitter cost,
 8
We wander ancient valleys deep,
 9
Along the paths our fathers took,
 10
As wanderers forget to look,
 11
beyond the secrets elders keep.
 12
 
 
How can one love this world, when blind
 13
Eyes lead on all of humankind?
 14
When all the darkness we percieve,
 15
Is a mere image in the head,
 16
for we no longer dare embed,
 17
our hearts in feathers of belief.
 18
 
 
How can one love? this world is warmer
 19
Still, some river's flow is calmer,
 20
Caressed by gentle summer's breeze,
 21
As violet fields of sweetest scent,
 22
In springtime to the heart's content,
 23
shall fill our souls just as we please.
 24

26 Jan 06

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stanza 1 & 3 the ryhmes are off on 3rd & 6th lines
 — unknown

remind me to call comcast

thanks
 — unknown

true, but do you think I should rather change it, or leave it to be interpreted as a symbol of life's or the world's imperfection?
How important is it for the rhymes to be perfect, after all? Can we really hear the difference when we read them out loud?
 — sparrow

Don't change it just to make a perfect rhyme. Many of the great poets used spelling rhyme rather than sound alike (stanza 1 L3&6) and stanza 3 L3&6 sound enough alike anyway.
I think this is well written and like your rhyming pattern you have used through out.
I did find your capitalisation of each new line is off putting especially at the start of L8.
L19 needs a capital on this.
Well written
 — marieF

very nice..a bit gloomy but well written
 — gingerdave

thanks for your comments everyone!
to marieF: I agree that the capitalisation isn't always a good idea...on my drafts I never capitalize but I thought that would give the poem a bit more structure...
You're right about line 8...it's definitley not a good idea to capitalize in the middle of an enjambement...I've got to change that.
 — sparrow

How sad, how true, how tragic. You are right on the money.
 — marionette

thank you, marionette:-)
 — sparrow
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