poetry critical

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spelunking
hank

i went down inside the earth
 1
slid on my back with water
 2
saw that weeping maiden
 3
and came out
 4
the hellhole
 5
and through all of that
 6
milton world of maze and black
 7
the denizens were the real thing
 8
of beauty
 9
pinstarlight refracted shimmering shiny
 10
dewdrop insulation like so many disco balls
 11
destroy that delicate balance with a touch
 12
and they would freeze down there
 13

28 Jan 06

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 8

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Comments:

Very nice
 — gingerdave

thank you. like your hermaphroditic name.
 — hank

this is important too.
 — hank

you make falling from grace sound so gooooood.  
 — chickie

didnt you teacher ever tell you about run on sentences?  keep writing like that and you wont be able to sign a check without asking to borrow a sticky note. i personally believe that you should have ended this poem after the first two words so i wouldnt have wasted my time reading such unrefined crap
 — TheYoungCrow

might have taken heed of your critique had their not been so many grammatical errors in it.  your shiny sword is pretty but made of plastic.
 — hank

i'm dissapointed your ninety ninth poem wasn't about ice-cream.
i love line 11. a big lot.

kaleidazcope
 — unknown

tnkskal.
 — hank

Beautiful.
 — Krttika

Wet and then focused along carefully, gladly. hellhole, milton, denizens...is dark Earth black or simply absent of color? Your description comes tainting but brave and then you remind of the pristine fragility and possible fines on the line always there. Why do we have to associate such wonderful places with hellishness? There are so many local names given to devils and evil here. The natives probably had special glories and reveries for most of them. Gosh I feel like the unfunniest stiff compared to you hank! -C
 — unknown

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