| Losing My Virginity and Contemplating the Holy Trinity
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bear
| the night i lost | 1 |
my virginity | 2 |
i was ecstatic, | 3 |
it was one of | 4 |
the best nights | 5 |
of my life. | 6 |
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the only problem | 7 |
i had with it | 8 |
is now, i know | 9 |
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for a fact | 10 |
i cannot be | 11 |
the savior of the | 12 |
known world. | 13 |
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31 Jan 06 |
Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (4): 1, 7, 9, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(157 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
and... there's no meaning behind this. You had sex and now you're bad... give me something to think about...
— unknown
urm i wasnt really trying to provoke thought, more like provoke a smile. maybe i did neither...
— bear
and get your spelling right, while you're at it.
— inutile
L3 ecstatic
L8 change had to have
— inutile
r u the unknown above me? because if so now that i think about it, maybe you are not thinking hard enough. and ill fix the spelling. much thanks.
— bear
r u sure it should not be had?
— bear
it's "had" but it should be "knew" in l9
— Ananke
i don't know which it should be, but i would use the one i suggested.
i wasn't that unknown. i wouldn't be that rude while being unknown to anyone.
— inutile
"i now knew" does not make sense, does it?
— inutile
this poem is wonderful and I understand it so well and for those who judge...fuck 'em. this poem doesn't say that you're bad what it says is that you're not perfect which in turn means you aren't the second coming...see not everyone is dense 9**********
— turtlepoet
oh and inutile you never came back on one of my poems
— turtlepoet
turtlepoet, which poem?
bear, i recommend saving your virginity til marriage :)
— inutile
thank you all for the grammatical help.
thanks turtlepoet for understanding what i was trying to say!
inutile, you know i will. i am a catholic after all and i want to be sacred and untouched for my wife.
— bear
bear, good. i'll be keeping an eye out on you to make sure you do just that ;)
— inutile
haha, i'm a good boy!
— bear
and now this bear needs to go hibernate
— bear
too many words! can you cut out "it was" in line 4? do you need line 8? line 10? etc. it almost made me smile though.
— britta
aww. tenses little bear. know not knew in conjuction with now, and without now knew. proceeding cannot however, it has to be know. or cannot needs to be in the conditional. do you see?
pick between:
the only problem 7
i had with it 8
was that i knew 9
for a fact 10
i couldn't be 11
the savior of the 12
known world. 13
or
the only problem 7
i have with it 8
now is, i know 9
for a fact 10
i cannot be 11
the savior of the 12
known world. 13
do you read your poems aloud. if you did you wouldn't have tense issues.
you aren't alone. loads of people have tense issues. no idea why. s'not like you speak like this, or is it.
try writing like you speak.
re: the poem. sorry it isn't really communicating much to me personally.
kaleidazcope
— unknown
We all knew that already. Welcome to the unchained majority.
ps - did you WANT to be savior of the world? Thankless job, that.
— Isabelle5
i'm glad i am almost there britta, i will try harder next time!
kaleidazcope, thanks for all the grammar help, i am very bad at it.
i never wanted to be the savior of the world, way too much work. i think its just an interesting thought for someone to have after they lose their virginity.
— bear
I can honestly say that after losing it, not once did savior of the world come to mind! Slut of the world, perhaps.
— unknown
ok.... uhhh?????? Was there a point? It's like you started a poem, well I wouldn't exactly call it a poem, but it's like you started one and left it without finishing
— unknown
thats not a good thought first unknown!
second unknown, i am sorry i cannot write poety. i will quit and maybe i will start painting a picture of a dag. because i like dags. do you like dags? a dag? yea a dag! ooo you mean a dOg. yea i like dogs, but i like caravans better.
— bear
Hahaha..wondefully cynical
— gingerdave
hooray for being cynical!
— bear
does this mean i was right before?
— inutile
i guess so... i never realized i was, but two people have said this.
— bear
Haha, I like it.
— MEB
i like it too
— unknown
thanks for liking it!
— bear
hehe.
— lai
haha
— bear
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