poetry critical : poem

Lyra

My eyes swell,	1
fold moisture	2
into blue lined lids	3
with a sweeping blink	4
of black lashes	5

as he turns the music right	6
and right till it’s nothing	7
but noise and him singing	8
at the otherwise quiet night	9
stretched so thin on stars.	10

I must admit I’m caught wishing	11
on those lovers separated	12
by Milky Way	13
for this strained moment to stop,	14

for slender distance	15
across leather interior and engines	16
to fall around me,	17
so I, too, might implore	18
the birds of heaven to help	19

build a bridge across my own fear	20
to where you lay.	21
Magpie wings of starlight	22
and strength to hold me,	23
light with insecurity and the notion	24

that love is nothing,	25
a cleverly disguised panic attack	26
masked by dead meteors	27
fallen into constellations	28
with forgotten names.	29

7 Feb 06

Rated 8 (6.5) by 1 users.

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Comments:

I love the last stanza. I really liked this poem. It wasn't dry or boring. It caught my interest, and I liked the words you used.
— hemothymia

then why bring up the words "dry" and "boring"? Isn't that damning with faint praise or something quite like it. Why not say: Your poem was sparkling and captivating
— unknown

I didn't know I had to be poetic while praising a poem. [face_plain]
— hemothymia

Hey, good stuff. I really like all the stuff about stars, good story telling. Good poem. I wish I could devote more time to it!
— Doulos

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