| I Drew a Picture
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Rull
| I drew a picture of my love | 1 |
and placed me by her side | 2 |
from there I eased into her dreams | 3 |
and became her lullaby. | 4 |
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7 Feb 06 |
Rated 8.5 (8.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 9
Inactive (4): 7, 7, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
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Comments:
this is charming. i love the idea of being closer to someone by drawing her. maybe line 4 could be changed to "i am her lullaby"
— HandsomeHerb
awww.
— Doulos
Awwwww, tho thweet.
— winter
oh
i love this
goldi lox loves it too
thank you, Rull
Fajona
— unknown
Sweet and tender.
— tiny
Beautiful
— larrylark
Awwwwww.....
— Isabelle5
I think you need a period or comma end of line 2. Maybe if you put a comma at end of line 3 and dropped 'and?'
Very sweet and happy poem. Thanks.
— Isabelle5
are you the picture?
— unknown
The meter is off for me, especially on L4 – too abrupt an ending. Also as you are going for the cutesy feel rhyme would suit the piece. ‘Placed’ makes it seem as if you are the subject of the picture not your partner, perhaps ‘and lay down by her side’. I know it’s tough one but perhaps you could come up with a description to replace ‘eased’ which develops the drawing theme (it could be argued that with ease / easel there is a phonetic link, but for me it doesn’t work.) I love the sentiment of the poem, it has potential.
— unknown
How short and sweet... I love it.
— aforbing
sweet but seems incomplete
— unknown
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