| Ashes
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Ananke
| 1. | 1 |
He was an | 2 |
awkward boy, | 3 |
mildly autistic. | 4 |
He smiled and | 5 |
burst into flames, | 6 |
and it seemed the | 7 |
ashes were heavier | 8 |
than the air-- | 9 |
they did not waver | 10 |
like falling leaves | 11 |
or fall gently | 12 |
as the snow, | 13 |
but were pulled, | 14 |
as if magnetic, | 15 |
to the ground. | 16 |
| |
2. | 17 |
We replaced the | 18 |
screens in our windows | 19 |
with mosquito netting | 20 |
to prevent ashes | 21 |
from fluttering in-- | 22 |
greasy ashes | 23 |
of a burnt out dream. | 24 |
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6 Aug 03 |
Rated 9 (7.8) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 8, 10, 10
Inactive (9): 5, 5, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(62 more poems by this author)
(4 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
A hyphen is used to connect a compound word. I know the dashes were not meant in this way but instead to connect two separate thoughts (after air in part 1 and after ashes in part 2), therefore a space should also be used. This may sound trivial but it really isn't - when reading poetry, the reader needs to know when to stop, pause, etc., as they also need to know when a connection is being made between two thoughts.
I'm not sure about the content of the poem - I will read it again and comment later.
— unknown
sorry, I meant after 'air' in part 1 and after 'in' in part 2.
— unknown
This is so sad! Dreams burned up, the heart-house blocked from the memory of their damaged child because the ashes stick. It's beautifully done.
Isabelle5
— Isabelle5
There, I've made them into dashes rather than hyphens. Really, though, with either one, you're not supposed to put spaces in.
— Ananke
...than the air -
they did not waver...
...from fluttering in -
greasy ashes...
Yes dear, you must put spaces in, otherwise you are hyphenating the two words and not the two thoughts.
— unknown
I'm sorry, I'm afraid I disagree, as do the grammar books I just double checked (Strunk & White and Hacker) . In rare cases, it is sometimes set apart with spaces, for aesthetic reasons and on the web only. But I'm quite confident that the way I have it here is correct.
— unknown
This is pretty good. You are probably the best poet on this site. -Moth
— unknown
I wish it was longer...
— inashadow
This is way underrated...
— unknown
Nice Job. I am giving it a TEN, 1) because it deserves it and 2) Because if it gets bumped into "recent best" people will be interested in reading it again. I will say this much, though... It's a good thing this "IS A POEM". Otherwise, you might be in trouble. If not, you might get hit up by the "Poetic God" who comes on here and informs you that your poem is "NOT A POEM". Yeah... What an ASSHOLE. He gets on and says pompously that your poem is "NOT A POEM". Like someone died and made him the almighty literary judge of all things poetic. Watch out for him and don't take ANYTHING he/she says to heart. Tell him to blow it out his asshole.
— aforbing
i like this alot but the last stanza is sort of iffy for me - I am not sure if it needs more or if it just doesn't need to be there at all . otherwise -a-ok
— unknown
YAY. beautiful.
— dooks
It seems unfinished.
— unknown
I like it. I'm not sure I understand it, but I like it just the same.
— kaze
GOOD POEM, I LIKE IT!!!
— crazy
softly heartbreaking. i really like the flow.
— SteelAngel
this is beautiful
it makes me think of a friend of mine who is very dear to me
— sparrow
This is so old and it's still on my favorites list. I'm still impressed by the creativity and depth of the chosen words.
— Isabelle5
Beautiful images
— SordidShade
beautiful.
— trochee
gorgeous poem.
— varun
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