| red tide
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spaces
| I can only love myself | 1 |
when my fire-bright hair | 2 |
spills like frothing waves | 3 |
to moor itself in | 4 |
all your misconceptions. | 5 |
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so: let this mane | 6 |
be as the sunset dying | 7 |
on your navel's shore, | 8 |
and I'll fish for | 9 |
quicksilver humors | 10 |
hidden in the | 11 |
swelling of your thighs. | 12 |
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will you smile then, | 13 |
and eat the ashes tempering | 14 |
my fevered brow? | 15 |
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13 Feb 06 |
Rated 9 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 7, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(56 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
I love the first and second stanzas. The images are so nicely tied up. The only bone I have to pick is with the third stanza, I think it feels like its mismatched to the rest of the poem. Maybe ending with a stronger set of words would make this more impactful to the end.
good work
— madderhatter
I really love this one. I think line 6 should start with a capital S, but hey, it's your poem. I really like the images-- they just slam into the mind of the reader (fire-bright hair is to waves, mane is to sunset, navel is to shore...) excellent metaphors. I'd love to have your talent.
— OwlGirl
I'd love to have your red hair!
— unknown
Colons (semi-colons) are highly under-used punctuation, especially in regards to poetry. I say this because its use here is highly poignant.
But beyond that... The metaphors here are wonderful. Fire and water. It's always those two, isn't it?
— silentscream
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