poetry critical : poem

"I Love You" is overly-used.

What is love?	1
To the dictionary,	2
it is a deep feeling of attraction.	3
To my friend,	4
it is amazing.	5
Not that I would know.	6

The only love I've ever known	7
is so on and off you'd think it was	8
God's lightswitch for lightening	9
during the most intense	10
thunderstorm imaginable.	11
The love I know does	12
the unthinkable	13
(you'd never assume)	14
to the undreamed of one	15
(you'd never guess),	16
and although it is known,	17
will never admit it.	18
Love unrelentlessly questions	19
without realizing the pain	20
of even thinking of the answers.	21
Some may call it tough love.	22
But to me, it is love.	23

Maybe that's why I don't believe.	24
In true love, that is.	25
Because if all love does is hurt,	26
how can it be true?	27
How can I trust	28
when you fail at the small promise	29
of hanging out next Saturday at two?	30
How can I share	31
when you grab all I have to give and	32
give nothing back, not even the apology	33
of knowing how much you have ruined my life?	34
How do I know	35
"forever" is always when your A.D.D. mind can't even comprehend that it's only been five minutes	36
as opposed to one year?	37

I guess what I am saying is	38
I don't believe you love me.	39
How can I, unless I could read your mind?	40
Which I can't.	41
And I don't want to.	42
Because then I would find out	43
how little of what you say	44
is actually real. And I know	45
you don't mean any of it.	46
I know I'm right.	47
Just like I was right when I thought	48
you loved her, even though	49
you said you didn't.	50
You told her the same about me.	51
You told us both whatever	52
to make us feel like we	53
were the only one.	54
Like we were special.	55
You really just wanted in our pants.	56

Maybe to you, love is just a game.	57
Or, perhaps, it is an action.	58
Is that love?	59
Because if it is, I have passed up	60
love a number of times.	61
I have been too busy searching	62
for a deeper meaning to love.	63

And yet I still haven't found an answer.	64

17 Feb 06

Rated 6 (6.5) by 2 users.

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(define the words in this poem)
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nikkimint55

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Comments:

It's "over used" not "overyly used". Lightening should be spelled lightning. Give this one a once over with spell and grammar check, and that should solve many of the problems. Also, a poem like this isn't as powerful as describing a moment in imagery or simile. Simply coming right out and saying your opinions won't win over your reader, you have to skin the idea, make it poignant. Try to describe a single moment in time that encapsulates what you're trying to say. Grab a part of the idea and flesh it out. Know what I'm saying?
— Doulos

yeah

guess your right
— unknown

Love is a blanket term like God to gloss over uncertainty, inherent loneliness and lack of self worth.

GVD
— unknown

Definitely change the title to '"I Love You" is overused'.

That said, your angst is showing. A lot. The concept of this poem, and its writing style, is somewhat less than mature. In fact, it's not even really interesting. This is the kind of 'free-verse poetry' that makes me question the difference in free-verse and prose. Simply put, your words aren't dancing.

[Teo]
— teo_omega11

Sorry to say that this does not feel authentic to me, there is nothing that shouts out originality.  You're writing a letter, not a poem.
— Isabelle5

everyone else basically said it.  this is rambling prose, but at least it seems like it was genuine at the time.  6.
— X

Love is. In titles and poems is very overused and not one good poem among the lot ):
— unknown

well boo-dee-boohoo
fer you...
i'm'a thinkin' there's no better
thing t'be 'awritin' aboot
in all th'cosmos.
but, then again, i happen t'have
first-hand experience with th'subject.
akchilly, make that many-hand experience.
hehe
— chuckles

Cut it off at line 13, and you've got a really good poem here.

This isn't real love, it's pain. It's somebody teaching you what love really isn't so that you'll recognise real love in the future :-)
— rattlesnakes

Whoops. I meant line 11. God's light switch is a great image, I think.
— rattlesnakes

CHEESE AND POOP! (they go good together. Do you know how? While eating cheese, smear your crap in the bathroom walls in your boyfriend's house after a nasty break up with him)
— Blonde

I hope very much that the moderators will delete Blonde's comments where they have been smeared across poems.
— Isabelle5

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