| M&M Co-Worker
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Isabelle5
| He is young as new grass, | 1 |
lean as Grade A beef | 2 |
and his eyes are the color | 3 |
of misty Summer mornings. | 4 |
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I am so enchanted that | 5 |
I sometimes bow my head | 6 |
slightly in greeting as we pass, | 7 |
like a maiden from Victorian times. | 8 |
He smiles and nods, making me | 9 |
wish I had a white lace handkerchief | 10 |
to drop coyly as we pass | 11 |
in this shared forest | 12 |
of pale grey cubicles. | 13 |
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He is eye-candy, | 14 |
with all of me wishing to know | 15 |
if he would melt in my hands | 16 |
or in my mouth | 17 |
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or both. | 18 |
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17 Feb 06 |
Rated 8.7 (7.8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 8, 10
Inactive (3): 6, 7, 8
(define the words in this poem)
(248 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
I am just too cynical to appreciate this poem or high enough to give it the full attention it so richly deserves.
— unknown
Jesus Christ, crazy woman, you sure got what it takes, that spark that's got your fire fueling its endless spiraling ...
I wonder if you he knows your intentions? Pfuuu, whatever plans you have for the weekend sure sound more exciting than mine
It was good to read this before bed, very very good
thank you for the unapologetic tone.
I am not going to post any suggestions at this time, will do this tomorrow
want my white kerchief ...
Maria
— slancho
l10- remove I
— Cloudless
I have no intentions but to look long and often. Don't want to wreck the little drama by talking to him!
Cloudless, I read this over and over and did not see the I! Thank you so much!
— Isabelle5
keep this in your journal. don't make other people read this. please.
— unknown
IT'S A POEM, IT'S NOT MY LIFE! Jeez
— Isabelle5
It's a free country, Unknown. No one made you read it.
— unknown
haha, i bet you wish this was your life, though. i do. crushes on cute guys is what makes life worth living.
— inutile
Well, the guy is definitely real and we do have a lot of eye contact, and the part about the nodding heads is true. I just don't wonder about it.
Maybe....lol
— Isabelle5
GRADE A BEEF ISNT ALWAYS LEAN JUST SOS YOU KNOW
— noodleman
i really like 5 through 9 - very descriptive. i guess i would like a different reference than Grade A beef - i think it takes away from the end and you get to that soon enough. lean as something less obvious would be my only change
— stint
has anyone else noticed a lot of writers at this site read the new yorker
and also rip off the cartoons
— unknown
give the grass a name, bermuda grass, johnson grass...just something to make it more specific, more textured in the language too. Misty summer mornings where? (oh and don't capitalize the 's' in summer). Take out the word 'that' in line 5. Good line break at line 9. I really like how that line reads. Line 7 is weak, maybe it would be a good moment for internal dialogue for the speaker of the poem, expand on what the speaker is thinking. Good play on the M&M motto, but I really hate the antiquated 19th century stuff...it doesn't fit in with the pop reference of M&Ms. Just fix up the 2nd stanza, figure out another direction to go...the Victorian thing is really out of place. The Romantics are all dead.
— TaylorC
I don't know the M&M thing and don't get it, so Nothing to say there. line 3 4 i like. Line 1 is too simple and childlike, maybe take taylor c's idea, name the grass. I like l2. Line 5, leave that definetly I think. Without it u miss the runonline, which suggests excitement to me. I love the victorian thing, it makes it seem so mystical and kinda 'romeo and juliet-ish'! Like it's a dream, but it's not gonna happen? (Im not saying its not gonna happen in real life! Just in the pome, adds to it!)
I love how the 2nd stanza is becoming more and more imaginative, full of imagery, and then bam, youre bak to reality, 'of pale grey cubicles'. Kicks ass!
16, 17, 18 = nice! 14, 15 kinda clumsy. Overstating maybe, making it too obvious.
maybe in stead of those two lines, describe hiom walking away, and lead that into,
'he would melt...'
I love it
— Cocoshmoco
I like how you've described the man as "eye candy", a little refreshing.
And you've made an ordinary place a little more exciting to think about!
— john_daker
To the one who doesn't understand the M&M connection. It's a small chocolate, covered with a candy shell, which was supposedly invented for soldiers to be able to carry without it melting. The slogan was "Melts in your mouth, not in your hand." Hence, eye "candy."
— Isabelle5
Haha, I read this thinking it was M&M meat shops, because of the grade A beef part...oops.
— mindbodysoul
*smiles and nods*--this I know. Well done!
— sybarite
Sexy, sexy writing! I'm impressed with your choice of language, punctuation, white space, line breaks and theme. Keep up the good work! :-)
— starr
Holy FUCK! This is YOU?! OMG! I had no idea that you could even write like this!
— starr
Oh, okay...I see...This was posted in '06 and I must have missed it, but STILL...this is a whole different side of Miss Isabelle. It's absolutely Isabellicious!
— starr
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