poetry critical

online poetry workshop



First
madderhatter

January:
 1
We settle in row P-Q fiction.
 2
Shoulder blades interlock with book-ends
 3
and torn covers; leave groves in backs,
 4
melted ink on forearms.
 5
Drifters grimace at your ravenous hands.
 6
Shameless, you munch my lips before them.
 7
 
 
You clutch tighter than predicted
 8
between my parted knees.
 9
Newness flounces;cling-free jersey knit
 10
pulled tight over my hips.
 11
You, a shadow
 12
probe me (untouched) deeper,
 13
etching phantoms across my ribs,
 14
hives up my neck.
 15
Sweat rolls off your temple
 16
clammy on my collarbone,
 17
beads down my back
 18
sending shivers through my teal silhouette.
 19
Your residue in penmanship scattered along my thighs.
 20
 
 
So troubled,
 21
we ignite our confusion in thrusts and fingertip kisses.
 22
I folded deep within the seams of myself
 23
emotionless, sanitizing my absence.
 24
You never reached me.
 25
 
 
Opposite the parking structure
 26
two women eat their noodles over our movements.
 27

To the first time.

23 Feb 06

Rated 8 (8.9) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (7): 1, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(101 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)


Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

why hide behind so much commotion?

come out with it boy

say what you want to say

we can  tell you are beautiful

do not be afraid

come. come sit on my stump.

come thump

bump

Fiary God Motha
 — unknown

veddy good!

i say dis is veddy good. veddy veddy good. good good good.


good

Gupta
 — unknown

Nobody captures perturbing moments and moods as piercingly as you do. Threesmall nits: "munch" is a playful word. It made me smile. Is that an effect you want + the title.... it's really a purpose of identification at PC. But if you wanted this poem published, what kind of frame would you give it. "Resident bums grimace" doesn't seem quite right. Regular vagrants? Why would they grimace?

As usual, grainy, grim writing.
 — borntodance

thanks grace
 — unknown

this is really good
 — unknown

darkly erotic
 — unknown

nice poem, don't like the title.
 — inutile

any suggestions?
 — madderhatter

nothing, except for "first time", which is overused. sorry.
 — inutile

For a title how about A toaste to the first, just a thought but great work i love it
 — unknown
Top Rated (expand)
Newest (expand)
Recently Commented (expand)
Recent Best (expand)
design & code copyright donald tetto. all poems copyright their original authors.
0.489s