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Ex-Pupil
larrylark

Cruising in that big cadillac,
 1
wide grin twinkling on polished glass,
 2
I noted white wheel rims
 3
and heard the engines blast,
 4
laughing out loud at the slim chance we had
 5
of changing you, and the truth is
 6
how you turned out not half bad.
 7
 
 
 
 
I always knew,
 8
watched as you grew into easy charms
 9
hanging effortlessly off your giant frame.
 10
Some said you couldn't change or care.
 11
Put those men to eternal shame,
 12
press them into a cloistered box,
 13
choking on their own sequestered air.
 14
 
 
 
 
Away you went,
 15
waving yourself past, and the last bit
 16
of you I saw was your clenched fist
 17
disappearing into a mist of exhausted fumes,
 18
swaying left and right to a reggae tune,
 19
sunshine catching your gold finger ring,
 20
flashing a message down the street.
 21
"Stay cool,hang loose,rock steady,"
 22
I think was sort of what it said.
 23

24 Feb 06

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Comments:

This is really good.  I likey.

Line 17: "of you I saw was you clenched fist" - maybe should be 'your'?

The last line felt contradictory within me when I read it.  Like I KNEW about this person, but ended doubtfully..  Perhaps that's what you meant?  Either way, it was an enjoyable read.  Tops.
 — CervusWright

Dear Cervuswright.

Thanks for the crit and the spots which i have acted upon.

Larry
 — unknown

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