poetry critical

online poetry workshop


Cruising in that big cadillac,
wide grin twinkling on polished glass,
I noted white wheel rims
and heard the engines blast,
laughing out loud at the slim chance we had
of changing you, and the truth is
how you turned out not half bad.
I always knew,
watched as you grew into easy charms
hanging effortlessly off your giant frame.
Some said you couldn't change or care.
Put those men to eternal shame,
press them into a cloistered box,
choking on their own sequestered air.
Away you went,
waving yourself past, and the last bit
of you I saw was your clenched fist
disappearing into a mist of exhausted fumes,
swaying left and right to a reggae tune,
sunshine catching your gold finger ring,
flashing a message down the street.
"Stay cool,hang loose,rock steady,"
I think was sort of what it said.

24 Feb 06

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(737 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


This is really good.  I likey.

Line 17: "of you I saw was you clenched fist" - maybe should be 'your'?

The last line felt contradictory within me when I read it.  Like I KNEW about this person, but ended doubtfully..  Perhaps that's what you meant?  Either way, it was an enjoyable read.  Tops.
 — CervusWright

Dear Cervuswright.

Thanks for the crit and the spots which i have acted upon.

 — unknown