| Slow Train through the Peanut Butter District
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starr
| Every weekday morning, | 1 |
the train drags by the bottom of | 2 |
your mother's dead end street. | 3 |
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I can recall how peaceful | 4 |
her little flat was when i would | 5 |
gather there on winter Sundays for | 6 |
wedding soup and chatter. | 7 |
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Every night, | 8 |
the train slows past your | 9 |
mother's solemn, blackened window. | 10 |
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I can see her reaching out | 11 |
from behind the pane. | 12 |
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Every now and then I | 13 |
remember her with a kiss | 14 |
and quiet slander. | 15 |
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For "Jear Bear" twenty years later for obvious reasons. |
26 Feb 06 |
Rated 8.3 (8.1) by 3 users.
Active (3): 7, 9, 9, 9
Inactive (8): 6, 7, 7, 7, 9, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(123 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
cosey and ghostly, an odd combination.
— Meep
Thankyou, Meep!
— starr
peaceful. I like...
— aaaargh
I love the way this poem moves. Its locomotion is peanut butter creamy ( or is it crunchy?) Seriously, Starr, you are an accomplished poet, but I think this one is your best. The last three lines stir me, especially with that poignant bump in 26.
Thank you for this extraordinary poem.
Grace
— borntodance
Grace....Awwwww...thankyou SOOOO MUCH. I'm so glad you liked it. Like I always say, it's so nice to know that people on this site like whatcha put out. Thanks again!!! Keep dancin'!!!
— starr
I like how you have captured your own sadness through the train dragging past the house...And the feeling that despite how things have changed irrepairably, and its pointlessness to think back to these things, life will always draw you back- through the description of how the train passes the window every day.
Enjoyed the description "quiet slander" at the end- a neat and clever description of private gossip spoken amongst close friends, which is your intention I guess!
— mr_e
Thankyou, Mr E! I'm glad u liked it. Peace and peanut butter!
— starr
This is god with a strange and disquieting atmosphere.Reminded me of 10 RillingtonPlace.
— larrylark
Actually, this poem is quite good. The rhythm of the trains is well done in the writing, not so much the d r a g g e d out, slow rhythm of the first one, (which may be overdone a little) but the second train has the best rhythm, because the 'sentence' is much longer, and the lack of punctuation makes you speed through it. That is the best part of the poem.
Also, can't quite find completion in those last three lines, the voice changes some...quiet slander works (26) but the kiss seems a little too happy and cheesy, which doesnt quite fit the diction of the rest of the poem.
But overall this is one of the best poems i've read on the site so far.
-josh
— joshcoops
Line 7 needs to be broken up otherwise its great.
— Tentative
jeez, I haven't read this in a long time! I didn't comment before, I guess I was new then and oh so chicken =-) I like this, like what meep said only I say "cozy"
(i left u a msg on wax garden, cuz that's not my poem, hehe)
Jen
— jenakajoffer
the north end? i'm from boston as well and miss it all the time (currently in new york...). your writing is so perfectly discriptive.
— talaria
in full agreement with most comments, including Tentative's comments re line 7.
Your last three lines are magnificently sly.
delicious writing
— banditfemme
I am honored. Thanks, you guyz! I grew up in Malden and then spent 10 years in Salem. Now, Southern Maine. It gets better every day, but I DO think about Mass. often and sadly, find it overpriced on its rents, Talaria. It's a better lifestyle here than it was there and perfectly do-able by train. I was homesick for almost 2 years here though and like I said, it gets better. Keep your chin up in New York! :-)
— starr
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