poetry critical

online poetry workshop



suicide by kite.
OKcomputer

poem:
 1
 
 
leisurely chasing north, our howling clown
 2
whitefaced fated trips over his feet
 3
into the honest black, or else (as god would rather i say,)
 4
the night sky. now, further,
 5
the night is humid.
 6
the streets are quiet, warm, wet. and as we lie down,
 7
it is raining fresh cunt,
 8
which upon arrival,
 9
having penetrated ozone,
 10
should properly
 11
descend slowly (our eyes  adjust accordingly
 12
to the new red
 13
dripping,
 14
crawling lightly against our fresh virgin white,embracing our separate nudities or else simply,
 15
for the love of god. it smells funny.)
 16
 
 
falling gently, we. now, is it
 17
profound enough for you,
 18
that i sit unmoving with my mouth
 19
open
 20
and the bridge of my nose
 21
parallel
 22
to the wet sky?
 23
would you rather
 24
my mouth open, humid,
 25
trembling a sigh
 26
into your own,
 27
waiting together for dripping red cunt. and clown. ?
 28
 
 
did you like this poem?
 29

28 Feb 06

Rated 10 (8.1) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (8): 1, 4, 5, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(88 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Get rid of the redundant first line and footnote and I might be more inclined to read more thoroughly. As things stand you are annoying me intensely.
 — unknown

'redundant'... they are very much needed, indeed.
 — OKcomputer

I AM SCARED OF CLOWNS
I AM SCARED OF CUNTS
I AM SCARED OF VIRGINS

THIS IS A SCARY POEM
THAT SCARES ME






SO I LIKE IT
 — noodleman

- i like you--this is very puzzling>but am biased 'cause i like you--so i have to spend sometime thinking about this. I'm used to you being emotive.
 — crepaway

this poem disturbed me. my eyes are now tainted. nicely done.
 — inutile

i'd ratha you ad a goat

o

sorry

i mnt: goatee

and a massive gold tooth like they used to do in the soveits unions
 — unknown

I know this is scary and disturbing and smells funny, but there is lots of trust...

i have to go again.. but am not done sorry...
 — unknown

You are your own worst enemy.  I did not like the poem.
 — Meep

Hmm, I wonder who you are?
 — OKcomputer

I love the title. I may steal it sometime and write my own poem.
 — unknown

This poem is filled with sin. Repent poet. Repent! 5/10
 — Henry

can't remember ever reading this before but for som reason i gave it a 9...and i think i'll stick with that...

yeah, i like it. and for some reason line 4 is really quite cool, forcing me into your space.
but what's with the "poem:" bit?
 — DeformedLion

You'd have to be here to get it.
 — OKcomputer

why is this so painfully awesome that I want to marry you? Freaky hot my friend
 — tiedtoes

No.

HAHA!!!! Looks like you've got some humor too!
 — theshattered

I want this poem.
 — unknown

lol, terribly unprofessional.
 — unknown

I can't write like this anymore.
 — OKcomputer

No! I like my comments!
 — OKcomputer

Aw come on! Don't delete the comments before I can see them!
 — OKcomputer

Well you're in luck because I've been looking for one. I just  need your name, birthdate and SSN. (If you don't want to give them willingly I could always do it the hard, time consuming way.)
 — OKcomputer

i didn't like the ending.. but the rest of it was great.
 — dismantleme

corn-BALLIN'
 — OKcomputer

There's really nothing I don't like about this poem and I doubt that I'll get tired of reading it for a while. There's no alteration I would suggest.

I would be sad if you ever changed or took down this poem!

To me, this is a great and representative example of what the contemporary style is capable of (and I usually don't like this style at all).

I even want to say more when there is nothing else to say.

Please never stop writing.
 — Hapiness

it says OK last visited in '09.

what i read of hers i read with the distinct pleasure of hearing my own voice wanting to speak through hers. its nice "contemporary", i guess, but its also honesty- or perhaps just less eloquent than the usual poetic dinner scene or fast-food binge session.
 — DeformedLion

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