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Hoover Manouvers

How can you grow to loath a hoover
in its old age?At that stage it should
be lovingly mended to tenderly caress
lino,carpet or rug.Mine is a snarling
bad tempered swine of a bag of dust,
with a vaccum for a brain.It fumes gloomily,
with rusting parts, chugging engine
and other noises too ghastly to mention.
Glowing red,it smokily shrouds
the living room,moaning in that drone
of a voice"Won't pick up till you've lubed
my tubes,polished my plug." If I don't,
it flushes its contents over my
Incredible Hulk slippers,
cuts out and sulks,leaving me
toiling with shovel and brush.

1 Mar 06

Rated 10 (8.3) by 1 users.
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i wish i had a cleaner. someone said they cost 5 quid an hour. but i dunno how i would go about finding one. i want one very badly though.

i hate hoovering. my fred is still spitting pine needles from xmas 2003. the other day he coughed up a fully formed ten year old the previous occupants of my house misplaced as a baby in 1995. no way no how to get the lil cuckoo back in it's bag. so i've left her upside down in the umbrella stand for a rainy day.

yep. i'd say fred sucked but he doesn't. he spits.

 — unknown

hurray!  i love your poem!  enjoyed all your word choices.  i never saw a hoovers ribcage before.
 — gnormal

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Your Hoover is my WindTunnel clone!  It won't do kitty litter but it will suck the sheet right off your bed, given a centimeter of cloth in it's way!

Oh, this is funny!-
 — Isabelle5

Veddy NOT funny

Gupta in LA
 — unknown

Very witty indeed - I like the personification.
 — opal

Dear Kaleidazscope

Never want anything really badly ,then it will simply come to you.
 — larrylark

Dear Gnormal

neither have i except down the Hoover repair shop when one fell out of a split bag of dust.

Larry cleanliness is next to godliness Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Isabelle

I know exactly where you are coming from.I'm sure they get annoyed quicker than washing machines.

Larry domestique Lark
 — larrylark

Ace of a poem!
your vacuum reminds me of an old bull, a tender bullfighter in a cheering crowd of houshold item s.

 — crepaway

Thanks crepaway

You have lifted my somewhat flat end of winter spirit.

 — larrylark

sweet title right of the bat. your poems just make me feel so lost, serenity.
 — listen

swell that's what your good at.
 — listen

Dear larry, I hate to be anal, as I love yr work , but it's 'Maneuvers' ...

Happy belated birthday, by the way!!
 — unknown

Thanks for the belated birthday greetings. I think you will find in the dickshunary that mine is the correct spellin.

Larry spell check Lark
 — larrylark