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Broken Social Scene Birthed a Stillborn
redsky

after "Looks just like the sun"

The stars look just like the son  
 1
I yearn to hold, a silver outline
 2
my finger has trouble tracing at dusk.  
 3
Late at night, the clouds muffle his babbles  
 4
and the sky stretches over him  
 5
like an ashen sheet that smells of balm and sulfur.  
 6
If I steady my hand, I can count each glinting toe,  
 7
watch his kicks shifting Orion out of place,  
 8
hear his paused sighs in the wind  
 9
as he nurses off the moon’s porcelain teat  
 10
but my hand only trembles,  
 11
my finger pointing to the earth.
 12

2 Mar 06

Rated 9 (9.3) by 4 users.
Active (4):
Inactive (4): 7, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(33 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful..

I loved this.  Thanks.
 — CervusWright

My throat tightening and I felt the tingle of tears.  If true, so very sorry for the loss.
 — Isabelle5

No tears please! A song inspired a mood which created this . . . thank you for reading the piece Cervus & Isa!
 — redsky

the last two lines might work nicely as a separate sentence, with maybe a space between them and the rest of the poem.

this is beautiful, something this pretty cannot make me feel and sadness. thankyou
 — inutile

thank you inu!
 — redsky

i haven't heard the song 'looks just like the sun'
but the words were really emotional. it held my attention through led zeppelin in the background.
*adds to favorites*

and thanks for commenting on my poem :)
 — monarch

monarch, I was more than happy to make comments your poems, thank you for taking the time to read mine.
btw the song is from this obscure Toronto band called Broken Social Scene, hence the title . . .
 — redsky

Broken Social Scene are criminally under-rated. A great band.

Congratulations on a well-crafted little poem.

x
 — musicwords

as i read this poem, i am listening to anthems for a seventeen year old girl.
this poem evokes a great mood that i think is seen in a lot of their music, or at least the way it makes me feel.
i want to sign in properly later so i can rate this nicely.
 — unknown

wow, it's rare to come across a BSS fan, not a lot people know about them or their music. I recently saw them live in this small venue up in Fort Lauderdale and they blew me away. anyway, my intention was to capture a mood and I'm glad to know it worked for you, thanks for your comment unknown. ;-)
 — redsky

music, thank you also for reading my piece and kind words
 — redsky

i want to make a baby with u and give u your son
 — unknown

!
 — redsky

broken social scene is an awesome band
 — andreamarie

My Feet Smell Like Cheese.
Pass the salt Please.
And then
I take a bite
out of
them.


HE HE!! I MADE A POEM!! YAYAYAYAY!!!!
 — Blonde

A good write. No suggesstions here. i got a lump in my throat reading this.
 — trochee

It made me almost cry...
 — Nerezza

excellent picture painted
 — cassell

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