poetry critical

online poetry workshop

$439.3 billion to cure cartoonophobia

In a country of wrong flesh
heads siphon
repeat therefore I am
alphabets of holy formula  
with stigmata hallowed eyes
gun powdered  mustaches
nostalgic bravado machine guns
fire for resurrection
grow ripe
             pick raw
stitch the womb (the only passport)
         let the children wither    
            into future oil  
        interpret my god you die
welcome to land-escape divine
and may peace
be upon you.

2 Mar 06

Rated 8 (7.1) by 4 users.
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original writing, I admire the way your words don't rely on someone else's last words.
 — unknown

i wish i know what you mean by someone else's last words
 — crepaway

finally! somone who understands!
 — onklcrispy

 — monarch

onk. am just glad you write. thanks.  

monarch- Nice nice. thanks.  
 — crepaway

wow. It's great seeing your new poems. Your imagination is a vastland, and I've missed your shenanigans.

Love, Grace
 — borntodance

grace you're  the bessstest...
 — crepaway

wow.  this is wonderfully written.  it reminds me of Ani DiFranco's "Self Evident".  it's such a beautifully crafted song that talks about some of the same things your poem does, i think.
maybe you'd like it/her, if you don't already know her.
 — woman_power

channeling bukowskis left gonad through a hal empty bottle of ripple
 — noodleman

Right, Right gonad!
 — crepaway

nice improv.
 — Meep

meep you should have been on the cover.
 — crepaway

should there be a $ before 439.3 billion?

this is tremendous.
 — root

hi root $$$

woman power Ani rules..
 — crepaway

Wow!  I dig this so much!  Awesome!  It's the whole way and the words you use to make this whole piece come together.  I had to read it a few times and each time I did, it got better and better.  It's awesome.  YOU'RE awesome!  Peace be upon you.
 — starr

Starr, thank you for spending the time, the lines are bouncy -am happy that you like it.
 — crepaway

i read this like a perverse pledge of insane allegiance is how i sees it

one nation, under shit...
 — noodleman

fundOmentalism , bigOtry, and an excuse 4 an arm  race
 — unknown

perverse pledge of insane allegiance :) I saw pink.floyd the Wall with your words...in my endeavor, words chosen as an exposé to religious zealotry and questioning our (US) reaction.  

 — crepaway

dislike the way L14 is written
 — inutile

hmmm inutile, honestly l14 is my favorite line. it ties this whole piece together, the lack of punctuation demands from the reader to interpret, interpret

what do you dislike about it?

 — unknown

too disjointed, perhaps?

not quite sure, other than my distaste for it is strong.

if you like it, that's all that matters.
 — inutile

no matter - thanks for the read inutile.
 — crepaway

nice, clever ending.
 — listen

this is a good read, creepaway, if you have a feel for poetry and read a poem as a music without melody and a re-formation out of cliche' and into the invention of language. it's well seen and well presented.
 — geckodrome

Goddamn man.  A country of wrong flesh.  How awesome is that.  One of the best I've seen here.
 — Haxxen

there are many realEYEsations invented here -- "the womb (the only passport)" amongst them 'n "grow ripe  pick raw" -- the title is sureal while the images are like mirrors to the soul as "In the country of wrong flesh" assaults us with its cry for Peace in the last strophe -- an elegy in wonder or what the Germans call a 'Fingerspitzengefuhl' which is a sixth sense of sizing up the situation concerning our path-dependant age of I me mine --
 — AlchemiA

so true, that is all am saying.
 — unknown

Here we go again...
 — unknown