poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Ardent Awakening [revised]
hobby

Through linen folds diurnal kite tails
 1
streak across the room,
 2
capturing the ashes
 3
of a fallen day in their reaches.
 4
 
 
Eyelids butterfly, announcing her
 5
azure awakening. A slow arc curls
 6
into her cheeks as ivory sentries
 7
take in the dusk.
 8
 
 
Adjacent;
 9
his impression, their coupling
 10
her security,  
 11
held fast in the cotton creases
 12
that cloak his simple words,
 13
words that his fingers traced
 14
at noon, yet linger still, indolent
 15
along her thigh.
 16
 
 
 
 
Azure blends with indigo,
 17
kite tails evanesce
 18
she is unaware of the dampness
 19
on her cheeks.
 20

3 Mar 06


(define the words in this poem)
(35 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)


Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

oooooooooooooooooooooooooh

lovely

thanks
 — unknown

Touching, with nice images
 — unknown

Unknowns, thank you also.
 — hobby

beautiful piece.
 — listen

Too many adjectives make what should have been a simple moment unecessarily complicated. The last two lines are far more powerful and effective than the previous twenty five.
-wendz
 — unknown

Wendz,

Thanks for visiting, I have considered your comments and made some revisions particularly the first stanza, any feedback you have is welcomed.

Thanks again
 — hobby
Top Rated (expand)
Newest (expand)
Recently Commented (expand)
Recent Best (expand)
design & code copyright donald tetto. all poems copyright their original authors.
0.478s