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Polish Children Secretly Photographed Playing Soldiers In The Warsaw Ghetto
larrylark

Children mimic quick marching step,
 1
authorised and imposed by the plump boy
 2
they let dress in mock Nazi clothes.
 3
Arm raised straight, hat falling onto the bridge
 4
of his nose, charcoal smudged moustache.
 5
 
 
Older more knowing child slows to a stroll.
 6
Mockingly bends, bowing towards the camera lens,
 7
debunking the awkward charade of playful military
 8
camaraderie. He pities this macabre parody
 9
of the grotesque, knowing more or less what will
 10
take place when they are forced to leave the city;
 11
observed the cruel vacant eyes, heard the lies, seen terror
 12
on the faces of relatives already taken.
 13

3 Mar 06

Rated 8 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (2): 6, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

how i hate the way you don't space after punctuating and have a random full stop lines after your poem ends.


please, why?
 — inutile

Dear Inutile

Does it really bother you that much?MMMM Anyhow ,thanks for the rap across the knuckles and now I've gone and got blood dripping all over the key boards

Larry spaced out Lark
 — larrylark

the sad part is that yes, it does really bother me that much.

thank you larry.

but you didn't answer my question.
 — inutile

Line 6: I don't personally like the decision to not include an article before "older" here, only because the last child described was given an article, "the plump boy."  Thus I think you should stick to the use of the article here to maintain the pattern per se.  

Line 9: camararderie should be spelled "camaraderie."

Line 9-13:  I really like the way this sentence is so long but yet so powerful and at the same time has a certain flow to it.

I really enjoyed this, very descriptive and the message is hidden just barely beneath the surface of the descriptions to the point that is both easily discerned but at the same time gratifying.  Well done.
 — Resonanz

Dear Inutile

Just carelessness and not really woke up when i wrote it  and not checking my work properly I guess but you would know that anyway maybe.I'm off now to read another chapter in my favourite book,"How Poets Were Treated During The Spanish Inquisition ."when it seems all poetry was brought to a full stop.

Larry


.
 — larrylark

Dear Rezonanse

Thanks for the crit and the spelling spot. I will think carefully about your suggestions.
 — larrylark

this is a great and upsetting poem.  as it should be.  i had no trouble with the form at all; in fact the density on the page is in keeping with the paranoia in the midst of crowding that inevitably comes into play whenever someone thinks or reads of nazi occupation.  

the language is clear and intense for a piece that  is primarily narrative; though small, it opens the nightmare quite readily.- k
 — pghpoet

Dear PGHpoet

Thanks for you very helpful crit, I really appreciate it

Larry
 — unknown

dear larrylark

i find your use of sarcasm most amusing when directed at people who are not me.

inu- somewhat peeved -tile
 — inutile

Hardly sarcasm

Its not meant to be taken seriously.Anyhow sorry,hope this brings it to a full stop.

Larry Coma Lark
 — larrylark

Almost written as a script. Good imagery. And written on my birthday!
 — JustineCH

Hi Justine

It is a poem based on a really well known photo. Have a great birthday with very best wishes from my humble self

Larry
 — larrylark

What a find. A new take on a hard subject
 — useine

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