|Polish Children Secretly Photographed Playing Soldiers In The Warsaw Ghetto
Children mimic quick marching step,
authorised and imposed by the plump boy
they let dress in mock Nazi clothes.
Arm raised straight, hat falling onto the bridge
of his nose, charcoal smudged moustache.
Older more knowing child slows to a stroll.
Mockingly bends, bowing towards the camera lens,
debunking the awkward charade of playful military
camaraderie. He pities this macabre parody
of the grotesque, knowing more or less what will
take place when they are forced to leave the city;
observed the cruel vacant eyes, heard the lies, seen terror
on the faces of relatives already taken.
3 Mar 06
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how i hate the way you don't space after punctuating and have a random full stop lines after your poem ends.
Does it really bother you that much?MMMM Anyhow ,thanks for the rap across the knuckles and now I've gone and got blood dripping all over the key boards
Larry spaced out Lark
the sad part is that yes, it does really bother me that much.
thank you larry.
but you didn't answer my question.
Line 6: I don't personally like the decision to not include an article before "older" here, only because the last child described was given an article, "the plump boy." Thus I think you should stick to the use of the article here to maintain the pattern per se.
Line 9: camararderie should be spelled "camaraderie."
Line 9-13: I really like the way this sentence is so long but yet so powerful and at the same time has a certain flow to it.
I really enjoyed this, very descriptive and the message is hidden just barely beneath the surface of the descriptions to the point that is both easily discerned but at the same time gratifying. Well done.
Just carelessness and not really woke up when i wrote it and not checking my work properly I guess but you would know that anyway maybe.I'm off now to read another chapter in my favourite book,"How Poets Were Treated During The Spanish Inquisition ."when it seems all poetry was brought to a full stop.
Thanks for the crit and the spelling spot. I will think carefully about your suggestions.
this is a great and upsetting poem. as it should be. i had no trouble with the form at all; in fact the density on the page is in keeping with the paranoia in the midst of crowding that inevitably comes into play whenever someone thinks or reads of nazi occupation.
the language is clear and intense for a piece that is primarily narrative; though small, it opens the nightmare quite readily.- k
Thanks for you very helpful crit, I really appreciate it
i find your use of sarcasm most amusing when directed at people who are not me.
inu- somewhat peeved -tile
Its not meant to be taken seriously.Anyhow sorry,hope this brings it to a full stop.
Larry Coma Lark
Almost written as a script. Good imagery. And written on my birthday!
It is a poem based on a really well known photo. Have a great birthday with very best wishes from my humble self
What a find. A new take on a hard subject