| Another Day's Work
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bear
| I'm a capenter, | 1 |
four little nails | 2 |
are nothing for me. | 3 |
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One for the sign, | 4 |
the sign that says | 5 |
this is for a King. | 6 |
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Three more nails | 7 |
just nailing wood. | 8 |
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I'm not doing anything wrong, | 9 |
it's just another days work. | 10 |
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The wood is starting to | 11 |
bleed and groan, | 12 |
something it has | 13 |
never done before. | 14 |
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When I was finished, | 15 |
I went home to | 16 |
my loving wife. | 17 |
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The thing I | 18 |
nailed to that tree | 19 |
started a religion. | 20 |
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6 Mar 06 |
Rated 7 (7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 7
(define the words in this poem)
(157 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
Ignorance is bliss. Apparently, 'we know not what we do'..
— CervusWright
Hahaha. Ridiculous.
— kaze
L17 do you mean wife....cause right now it reads kind of funny.
its a good concept feels kind of flat though
— rubytuesday
nice catch with line 17, big sister. its supposed to be flat.
— bear
18 to 20 would be outstanding without the and
in my world a strong enough title could carry those three lines as a poem.
i'd revisit 9-17 with a hammer and knock out the redundant bits.
i like your poem.
— bettalpha
thanks
— bear
I would argue that the Person nailed to that tree started the religion, the sign was meant to mock. I like the idea you're trying though.
— blee73
So much more could be done with this poem, try to rework it and see what you can get. One thing I would do though is to get rid of the line
" I'm not doing anything wrong"
it fits the poem but not the message.
— Solstice
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