| Over
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smugzy
| I imagined this pain before it happened | 1 |
I felt it many times, the fear of losing you | 2 |
like a clamp over my heart | 3 |
that makes me stop breathing | 4 |
and now I tell myself to breathe | 5 |
to surrender | 6 |
to give in | 7 |
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It hurts to walk around with grit | 8 |
in my eye | 9 |
colouring my day | 10 |
making things sad, bitter | 11 |
tears threaten | 12 |
but my pride won’t let them | 13 |
fall | 14 |
until solitude releases them | 15 |
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Then it’s like the world has ended | 16 |
and my life has turned into something | 17 |
that I don’t want | 18 |
but I have to live | 19 |
in spite of everything | 20 |
and I don’t understand | 21 |
what feelings are and | 22 |
why this pain exists | 23 |
again | 24 |
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9 Mar 06 |
Rated 8.5 (8.8) by 4 users.
Active (4): 8, 8, 9, 9, 10
Inactive (4): 7, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(10 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
authentic and deeply saddening. That one step at a time dazed feeling. Beautiful poem.
— borntodance
i creid to your poem
my tears came out in the shape of balloons in the shape of giraffs
i was then the caraffe
i thank you
so sad so sad sad
and mad
:(
— unknown
here's a hug... pass it on. I like this, but it's too simple for me, passionatly add more to the reasons for your feelings.
— starwars
Simple, beautiful, heartfelt. Loved it.
Way too much abandonment in this world..
— CervusWright
Thank you borntodance. I really appreciate your comments.
— smugzy
Thanks unknown. I'm glad my poem inspired you to write a rhyme. Made me smile anyway. :-)
— smugzy
Thanks for the hug and the comments starwars. I can always do with a hug :-)
I agree with you about it being too simple on reflection. It just came out like that but I will think about what you say and how I can deepen this. Thank you.
— smugzy
Thank you CervusWright. I'm so pleased you liked it. :-)
— smugzy
I don't mind mediocre ratings, though someone must've really not liked it to bring the rate so far down!! Not a problem - but why no critique? How can I improve it without some pointers? Or am I the only one who gets frustrated by that?
smugzy
— unknown
and in your used-to-be
space
i find myself
lingering, looking for
a hint or sign that might
reflect when it is that you
will be back if ever at all.
— varun
annoys me too by the way, the ratings/no critique combo. myungrh!!!!!
— varun
Thank you varun. I love your additions. Had you written them before?
'Your used-to-be space' is very lovely.
PS And I'm glad it's not just me :-)
— smugzy
well put together.
— listen
thank you listen..
smugzy
— unknown
Here's another big bear hug for you from me. This is so beautiful in it's honest fragility, if that makes any sense.
— marionette
Wow! Thank you for your lovely comments marionette. I love your words.
smugzy
— unknown
I also wept reading this. It's exactly what I'm going through and you captured it so well.
— Isabelle5
I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time Isabelle. I'm glad this spoke to you though. Thank you for your comments. (And I hope you're coping ok?)
smugzy
— unknown
good thing I didn't read this a month ago,
you'd have ruined me!!
very real, emotional poem,
thank you.
only thing that didn't jive with me was "colouring my day";
sounds pretty rainbowy, no?
— jenakajoffer
Thanks jen. I'm glad you like this. I wrote it a while ago now and "colouring my day" is so ingrained in my thinking about this that I don't know if I could change it. "Darkening" my day maybe? I meant it in the sense that a mood can "colour" everything, so that a mood of sorrow and loss can tint everything with the same colour. It wasn't intended to evoke a rainbow!!! :-) Now you've made me smile and it's not that sort of poem is it??
— smugzy
Its called life and the pain can make you stronger
— larrylark
Very true larry
— smugzy
Great lyrical poem. Such a real voice.
Larry unreal Lark
— larrylark
Thank you so much larry.
— smugzy
lovely poem.
— sir_I_clan
Thank you, sir_i_clan.
— smugzy
..........
— marco
last two lines are nice, even though many would say that concept has been repeated.
regardless, i like it. the honesty in this poem is really something. unique. free from any kind of restraint, i would say.
— listen
listen, I'm deeply touched by your comments. I don't know when you wrote them as I haven't visited this poem in a long while. But thank you - just the boost I was needing poetically!
— smugzy
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