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Closing Time
larrylark

Bare boned,
 1
knuckle near the face,
 2
whitening skin stretched,
 3
filigree like lace
 4
phantom eyes glaze.
 5
            
 6
Wisdom of  years rolls away,
 7
stood, swaying.
 8
Gulp of air, taken in,
 9
convinces you.
 10
"I can win it."
 11
 
 
Take it slow old boy,
 12
young man that you once were.
 13
There's no easy-chair  
 14
near, nor slippers here,
 15
no pipe or folded paper to peruse.
 16
Just some young blokes
 17
stupefied, on cruise control.
 18
              
 19
Tarmac ground,
 20
matt in the street lamp's faint glow
 21
absorbs a shouted curse
 22
you start to fall
 23
edge of  kerbs cracked many
 24
a skull and worse.
 25
 
 
Mornings first gleam sweeps debris
 26
from a lifetime of regrets,
 27
resurrected in  cold neglected light
 28
of a rain flecked dawn.
 29

11 Mar 06

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (3): 9, 9, 9, 10

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Comments:

closing time

. . .

i know who i want to take me hoooomme

supersonics?

ubsonics?

forget


anyway. nice sad poem

thank you
 — unknown

semisonic, duh
 — unknown

I like this because it is not about me and it is very well written - has a nice tone.
 — Meep

but it is about you, meep
 — unknown

Should it be mat in Line 19? I like this poem a lot, maybe because I'm 57 and I know either of my "boys" could whip my ass, esp. the ex-Marine. But I'm sure there are some guys my age out there who could give a 25 year-old a taste of real fighting and come out on top. Depends on your conditioning, health, stamina, attitude, etc. as much or more than your age. Besides which, I never was a fighter anyway!
 — wamblicante

Direct, coherent, and tight; chillingly direct & thus lovely.
I only wonder about "a lifetime of regrets" in line 27.  It is the only abstraction in the final stanza, and it is fairly well implied by the failing of "the wisdom of years" which should "take it slow."  While the poem is wonderfully effective as is, that line seems more like an add-in only there to support the delicious sound of "gleam sweeps debris."  Do consider if you really need it.
Thanks,
 — mikkirat

Dear Unknown

And may your wind forever blow you to where you wish to go.

Larry rain flecked Lark
 — larrylark

Thanks Meep

I'm really trying hard with my trombone.This is in fact quite an early poem in my poetic firmament but it seems to embody that irrational macho feeling that has engulfed many a man old or young after a few pints have been consumed on a Saturday night.

Larry my willy's bigger than your willy Lark.
 — larrylark

Dear Wanmblicante

Nice to hear from another ageing macho man like myself who once every few months feels a touch of testosterone peedling through his viens.

Larry come out and fight ya baldy bastard Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Mikkrat

i think i was contemplating the moments of cogent thinking that encroach sometimes on a man who has allowed his aggressive streak to dominate his relationships with others. In his quieter reflective non posturing moments a man like that might be contemplating the break up of his marraige maybe and feel lonliness spreading its cloak about him.

Larry the wimp Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Meep

This poem is assuredly not about you but the names have been changed to protect the beer kitty.

Larry down in one Lark
 — larrylark

I like this a lot, very nicely written.
 — livedeeply

Dear livedeeply

I appreciate your appreciation. Thanks for taking the time and trouble to read.

Larry
 — larrylark

Semisonic,duh.more likely colonic with a touch of irrigated gin and tonic to aid bowl movements.

Larry wonder of medical science Lark
 — larrylark

whoever said "semisonics" , doh, duh"

i say to you: go lick your fukin premature asshole

ok?

pieaced of jig sawed shit man. ain't a guy allowed to make a mistake round ere?

and larry lark -- you can triply sec park your fargo ass up your sphincters -- i made a nice commet on your poem

you piece of friggin shit

that;'s all yo ucan say. hey man. i beat you at name that tune anyday you premature eggyolked prick



if anyone else said it -- well go fuk your llamas


unknown un known unknowed
 — unknown

Dear Unknown

go and get a friggin' life fer christs sake and be careful how you prick your egg yolk cus your in danger of having it all over your face.

Larry boiled headed Humpty Lark
 — larrylark

i knew this was you by your extra space on L9 and your lack thereof on L18.

sad, isn't it?
 — inutile

Dear Inutile

yes indeed ,its sad but ultimately futile.I'm really sorry for my errors but i am having to endure a really stressful time at the moment and my concentration when i am typing keeps wavering. You know thats not an excuse don't you as i have always done it havn't I?

Larry the worm Lark
 — larrylark

in time, perhaps, i will release this obsession of mine.

but you know how i get fixated on the small things, don't you?

i mean, that's why i'm friends with theo1dcrow..


j/k :)
 — inutile

Dear Inutile
I have to be honest and say that i am grateful for your spots because i'm so one eyed i'd never notice them myself so thanks and also thanks for taking an interest in my work and punctuation.

Larry coma Lark
 — unknown

that's the second time you've said "coma" instead of "comma"

larry, are you hinting something?
 — inutile

Oh Inutile

I can't believe that my errors are now extending to the very words themselves.I think i need deep sleep similar to a comma.

Larry apostrophied Lark.
 — larrylark

Oh, boy, tom Waits would be SOOO jealous!!!
 — unknown

nice. perfect flow.
 — listen

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