| A Triolet for Spring.
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opal
| Spring has come | 1 |
when petal showers cascade | 2 |
from trees of almond, cherry, plum. | 3 |
Spring has come | 4 |
when all around is heard incessant hum | 5 |
of waking, stretching leaf and blade. | 6 |
Spring has come | 7 |
when petal showers cascade. | 8 |
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11 Mar 06 |
Rated 8.8 (8.3) by 8 users.
Active (8): 2, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10
Inactive (13): 1, 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(99 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
delicious and fragrant.
Grace
— borntodance
what i most love about the triolet is line 6
it should bring the repetition and rhyme of the other lines together. and it does here.
even more so because you chose to rhyme it with cascade.
but isn't a triolet supposed to be in iambic tetrameter?
not bothered just can't remember.
iambic structure is fairly consistent though
this is a perfect . i love your poem
— bettalpha
I love the pleasant images of this poem. There are plenty of nouns, but I would like more to also read some adjectives describing the colours of the petals which fall from the trees. You haven't mentioned one colour, and after a long hard colourless winter, colour is so important in the spring. The other important thing about spring is the scent of the flowers and the sound of birdsong. That is just my opinion, but you would need an obviously much longer poem to put in all this detail. What you have written is very pleasant indeed.
— Josie
Thanks Grace - I hope it suggests a lot more than it states.
Opal
— unknown
hi bettalpha, no rules about prescribed metre for the triolet as far as I know - if you look at some of the early french ones, they have all sorts of metre going on; I always introduce them to students as a nice easy form to grasp. I wanted to get a bit of a modernist feel in here - or should that be Imagist?? Thanks for your feedback though - it means a lot,
— opal
Hi josie,
thanks for the feedback and all the things you've picked out - I think you and I probably differ about the things that poems must include, but that's what makes poetry rich wouldn't you say? I'm not a fan of poetry that uses too many adjectives - I prefer the power of the concrete noun, so names like almond, cherry and plum are meant to suggest smell, colour and texture to the reader all at once without having to over describe and thus move outside the framework of the triolet as a form - sound is there in hum - as is feeling and texture - I always like to show - to create a picture and not tell too much in a poem - let the reader do a bit of work,
Best,
— opal
good poetry poetry explains. maybe it is good to be bad, Opal is the expert and I bow to her superior judgement on this one
— Meep
poetry :)
— Meep
sorry to be a pest, but I feel compelled to say that almond, cherry and plum are clearly multi-sensory/sensual words. colour/texture/fragrance/taste. perfect!
— borntodance
thanks meep - I'm in dark though - plese illuminate for me!
— opal
I am a torch now am I not?
— Meep
Grace - that's how they were ntended,
— opal
Switch the beam on Meep,
— opal
just because you can, does it mean that you should.
http://www.anamariapach eco.co.uk/
— Meep
Dear Opal
Sheer class exhudes from the masterful use of this difficult poetic form.
Larry
— larrylark
wonderful imagery! it captures spring soo well! you've hit the nail on the head here! it's beautiful!
— livedeeply
My gosh, this is elegant and sweet, a reminder of good forms
well done, repeating old thoughts like the seasons do: fresh again.
Thank you, reid.
— netskyIam
if it werent perfect id say it were ostentatious but no its just bloody good.
as hank says, nice poem. you gets my 10.
— noodleman
Lovely. Have a (9).
I have nothing more to add.
— fallinforyou
ten again,
again she blooms
and such a delicate!
signed,
*mushroom-in-envy*
— netskyIam
I love the imagery. It reminded me of Japan, for some strange reason…cherry blossoms? Anyway, it was beautiful, thank you.
— winter
Yay! You're no.1 on Top Rated!
Congrats.
— winter
beautiful poem opal.
— unknown
The power of 'effect' on ones audience :0) Well deserved response.
all the best
P. :0)
— unknown
The rhyming of this poem was far too obvious to be appealing. Don't get me wrong, it was a superb Triolet but I just felt that it had been done before. And why would petals cascade in spring?
— TheDiogenes
Nice work. Nice rhyming.
— gingerdave
I find it very difficult to follow a set format, so anyone who attempts to follow a poetry form, and does it successfully, I have to applaud. You have aptitude in this style, I hope to read more of your work. ;-)
— redsky
Hi Opal,
I liked this triolet, though not a lot
That’s when I gave it just a thought
And some passing heed to Preston’s uncertain clime
How strange see those trees blooming at the same time.
I thought the title could have been better!
Obviously being a teacher, you don’t get out much.
Or you may have noticed the flowering sequence of fruit trees.
Almonds are normally the first to flower late February, cherry mid February early March, plum mid March onwards.
No doubt, you will plead poetic licence, and why not, let the poor little bees go hungry.
Still a very nice triolet, I believe the almond was known in early poetic terms as hope.
How is the Elephant gun doing? They are terrible things to fire; the recoil will knock you on your back quicker than any elephant.
Morchuis.
In the land of the Locust Eater.
— Mor
Ooooh... a FORM poem. You know how I love these, let me count the ways...
Nice job!! ~the king of form (aka the forbster)
— aforbing
fresh
— X
love everything, from the title to the last line. wouldn't change a thing.
— listen
pretty
— trafalgore
Ah, smell that fresh air! This is clean and crisp.
— Isabelle5
it must be nice to see such things on mar 11( assuming this was written at that time )...
i read this of all your poems to discover what the heck a triolet is?
well...?
anyhooo, i find it unfortunate that you chose to repeat L2 due to the fact that i generally see flowers dropping petals in the scorch of summer, not the fresh rush of spring. but that's just me...
well done
— chuckles
this is beautiful, the command of form and the sensual description.
— unknown
Oh, if only it WAS Spring ... ! Opal, I envy yr talent ...
— JustineCH
I love the beautiful simplicity of this. Brings a tear to my eye.
— unknown
gracious.
-Virgil
— unknown
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