poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Gloria K. Fiero; fiero.

loved you gloria. smoking cigarettes with you.
with yellowed fingers and every crooked hair on my head
scented therefore and tangled
in circles.
imagine our eyes closed, bodies still,
a guitar riff hanging slightly
above the tip-tops
of our skulls -- your head pinned by your body
against harsh brick, nearer to the door
than mine, fire-mouthed beauty --
and the furnace buzzes
with my brain,
and your lungs stagger
as    you  gradually deflate,chest plunging to hell
releasing god from your lungs.
collecting the atmosphere as your own.
watching yourself scatter.
i've had
april showers before, honey, cold ones, so
i know my shivers well. jerking gasps
with you,
i might sleep lightly
(my breath has changed in distribution.
it is slowly born.) and tonight, i will sleep
without touching you. there are already
yards between us.
the distance pushing.
these are my thoughts as i watch you, foreign now, glorious.
your ankles bent inward,
pidgeon toed, sleeping on your spine,
sleeping on your back with your left ear to the ground.
your breath visable, quickly ,
then gone. it's april. cold. you're wearing highwaters but
there will not be a flood, i'm thinking. i can see your socks,
        i can see your pink florid undies,
        pretty girl!
        pull up your pants.
you're in my sight now,
your first name gives you life.
flushed cheeks, blushing
for your nudity.
i could love you again.
and as for the K. Fiero:
i'll jump from a balcony
before i read any more
of your writing.

12 Mar 06

Rated 9 (8.4) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (12): 5, 6, 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Thanks FUCKRIOT!!!
 — OKcomputer

For the five, I mean.
 — OKcomputer

I really enjoyed this. It was so different than what I've read here lately. I think your imagry was excellent and I really really really liked your voice. It was a soft storytelling observing voice that seemed to tell all the right details in the right sequence. This is a great piece, well done.
 — madderhatter


Somewhat interesting...

At times it seems like you're really going somewhere with it.

 — unknown

a slap of a poem
mademe laugh at times, an other wince(in a good way)

i have to say the spacing irritated me a bit, but fuck it

i never knew who Gloria K. Fiero was until i read this
i am baffled but intruiged, and now i have something to do for the rest of the day

 — onklcrispy

standout poem.  Was it a required text, the fiero, I mean? Ah, you needn't answer. Your poem has power. THWACK appeal. gorgeous, passionately outraged and tender writing and wiring.

Grace  ( pigeon, 30 + visible, 32)
 — borntodance

i love this, lots and lots and lots. its sexy and intimate and tender and human and original. i didn't understand the end bit. is it an injoke? or am i missing something. gorgeous
 — berrykid

 — noodleman

where are you good poems?
 — Meep

 — Meep

I'm sure once you wrote good poems, where did they go??
 — Meep