| "thank you for smoking"
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unknown
| in barren lands | 1 |
bathed in blood | 2 |
nourished by sacks | 3 |
of broken bones | 4 |
and slit throats | 5 |
| 6 |
she smokes to keep | 7 |
the stench away | 8 |
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motivated by a radio story about the mortuaries in iraq
http://wakeewookoo.blogspot.com/ |
13 Mar 06 |
Rated 9.3 (7.7) by 5 users.
Active (5): 2, 6, 8, 8, 8, 10, 10
Inactive (14): 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(5 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
Wow...so real and so scary and soooooooooo very current. It's beyond terrifying now. I like how you derived inspiration from that starkness and darkness though.
— starr
The theme is very interesting and the images are striking. The first line though isn't strong enough, leaving "in" on its own doesn't do much for the piece. Why not start with "in barren lands." I think that would work much better. thanx for sharing your piece and good luck with your writing endeavors!
— redsky
i smoke to keep my farts away. thankyou.
— unknown
Truly nauseating, in a very good way! great work.
— unknown
Excellent.
— CervusWright
Love it!!!
— livedeeply
love it. awesome. and, as a female - i like that it's a "she" smoking - usually men end up smoking in poetry. and that would have been cliche. :D
— WordsAndMe
Amazing.
— lieskilllies
we can only be so lucky to produce masterpieces like this after watching CNN.
— unknown
Nothing like the above is ever seen on CNN. This poem is telling the truth. Wake up and quit being bitchy.
— unknown
thankyou wolf. now sanjay what do you think of bitches smoking?
— unknown
I DONT GET IT? SOMEOONE HELP ME?
— unknown
i dont know about wolf or fox for that matter but i think the author needs to take his estrogen levels down a notch. quit bein a homo.
— unknown
wats wrong with being pro bono homo? how you know author is male?
— unknown
homosexuals of the world unite i mean "reunited coz we are so in love"
— unknown
The title is so perfect. I don't know what to say. Almost wordless…10, favourite.
Thank you. (Why is this not on recent best/ top rated??)
— winter
the first alliteration seems a little forced... its an interesting concept, a good ending.. but something, for me, is missing.
— unknown
nice poem.
— hank
i love it and i love how it's short 0=]
— homeless
Not much here.
— unknown
there is an unfortunate amount of absent blood in lung cancer victims. we like to think they cough it up with their dying breath, but then never do.
Try poems about brittany spears movies.
— yeesher
hahahha turns me on!
— unknown
there is something so profound abut this. good title nice words stark and poignant ending.
sadi
— unknown
makes me hungry. i salivate at corpses.
reesher
— unknown
I don't usually like minimal poetry, but this one comes across brilliantly, wouldn't work any other way. Cheers.
— wraze
stunning, small poem big impact.
— Meep
Amazing little poem, well done.
— Kauf
noodles?
— unknown
GREEAT WITTY TITLE. !!! let FREEDOOm REIGN
— unknown
; \" thankyou"
— unknown
Three phrases should be among the most common in our daily usage. They are; Thank you, I am grateful and I appreciate.
— unknown
This is a very fine poem. I like the marginalized language and punctuation.
— boromir4121
where is the punctuation?
— unknown
;
; rwandan darfu bagdad PEACE
— unknown
strong words small poem
— unknown
humanity? where is it? all is lost in love and war.
— unknown
hahah funny
— unknown
You've written something we've all be aware of, but you've done it so well. This poem is definitely a favourite.
— Kellie_Fern
o nagasaki
— unknown
howard stern is getting more sensitive on sirius
— unknown
this is gay. thankyou.
— unknown
No it's not.
— unknown
still gay
— unknown
stinky
— unknown
Really, gay? Because I'm yet to see two kinky poems go at it...darn.
Excellent poem.
— WordsAndMe
title makes it ultrakool
— unknown
a m a z i n g, how just a few words can bombard a brain with images and thoughts that will haunt one for the rest of the day. brilliant poem. [10]
— adiscodancer
the unknowns who voted this 2's and 4's and even 6's should be ashamed as well as all the unknowns saying this is 'gay'. this is well written whether you like the content or not, it's well written. c'mon.
— unknown
that was me
— adiscodancer
good
— unknown
very, very interesting idea. without the footnote, i wouldn't have given it a second glance, though. the first stanza is somewhat overly dramatic on its own, without the context of your footnote. 8-12-- one line, really-- is certainly what you wrote the poem around. so i'd personally see two options here: find a clever title that incorporates your footnote somehow (showing, not telling), or expand this piece. not to underestimate how hard it is to title something, i'd still say the second option is more difficult and will be ultimately more rewarding.
— jade
good
— unknown
i think it works. last line does kik ass as it reveals the paradox of proximity and distance.
— unknown
love the title how apt
— unknown
wateva
— unknown
Loved the title and the last stanza. 2&3 are a cliche but I like the alliteration. 5&6 don't do it for me. needs something more powerful/original.
— unknown
powerful.
— icepineapple
deep hurt
— unknown
your observations, your thoughts and your words should shut all these unknowns/homophobes up :P i'm giving you a 10.
— modern_nomad
ouch
— unknown
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