| A token
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badger
| I've never faded away. | 1 |
Or been lost in someones eyes. | 2 |
Took too much time | 3 |
to cross an ocean full of tears | 4 |
and besides, | 5 |
I just don't have the stomach for it. | 6 |
So i chose you, | 7 |
or you chose me, | 8 |
because you would never hold me down. | 9 |
Would never lift me up | 10 |
or climb a mountain to prove | 11 |
what you prove | 12 |
every time you show up. | 13 |
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18 Aug 03 |
Rated 8.3 (7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 7, 8
Inactive (3): 4, 6, 7, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(37 more poems by this author)
(5 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
Would reeeeally appreciate some comments, oh, about... here...
— badger
It is OK. It doesn't really speak to me, and though this might be the point, the repitition of melodramatic cliches is annoying.
— unknown
I have to agree with 'unknown'. "Lost in someone's eyes", "ocean full of tears", and "climb a mountain to prove" are extremely cliche. However, the thought behind this poem could be good if written differently (without the cliches). -Sam
— unknown
The cliches are kind of the point of it. It's about not being interested in that side of a relationship, seeing it for the shallow exercise that it is. It's the simple realities that make it worthwhile, like the simple act of her showing up.
— badger
i dig you. this poem really struck a chord in me, and i like your use of cliches. i'm gonna check out your other stuff
*inevercussiswear
— unknown
OK - I understand the usage now. Line 6 and 9 should have clued me in but on first reading I guess I missed the reasons. Sorry about my earlier comment. - Sam
— unknown
I can't explain why, but this is like a modern-day Shakespeare's Sonnet 130 (My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun...)
For those who don't recognize this, I can see why the trite sayings (lost in eyes, ocean full of tears) might not sit well. However, I see those as sarcasm, much like Shakespeare as he made fun of the 'conceit' overused by poets of his time in Sonnet 130. It's like the speaker is saying -- None of the typical "love" sentiments are brought on by you, but instead, simply by your presence -- everything is intensified all on its own.
Maybe?
I love it.
— LauraLea
Brilliant! No flowery wowery jiggery pokery fancy dancy piffly wiffily. It just simply hits the spot. I hope it is for real, Mr Thirteen Centipedes.
— unknown
oh no you didnt
— unknown
I like this for the lack of sentimentality. Cliches are what life is made of so I've never been a fan of removing them all. This feels like two grown-ups, tired of the games, who want to just be who and what they are. And they found each other. It really reminds me of my sister and her husband. Married a long time, faithful as the Yosemite geyser's but not much for fluff or wasted words to each other. Good one, Badger.
— Isabelle5
Sometimes cliches make a poem. Why people get all in a huff because cliches are used is beyond me...
— unknown
I don't really kno about this one.
— unknown
I like this - its simple and to the point - so what about cliches - anything can be a cliche if you want it to be. If you manage to convey your meaning in a way that touches the reader - then you can use so called cliches.
E
— unknown
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