| Helium Dream
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Isabelle5
| She walked on the edges of things – | 1 |
close to the walls, | 2 |
sinking her fragile toes | 3 |
deep into the dust at the end of big shoes, | 4 |
always searching for a tighter fit | 5 |
to help keep her tied to the ground. | 6 |
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A breath of helium in a fragile balloon | 7 |
set her soaring high above the city | 8 |
and its comfortless streets. | 9 |
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Now her sights are set on the stars, | 10 |
dropping her shoes one by one | 11 |
upon the unsuspecting heads below, | 12 |
while the last bit of air in her lungs | 13 |
explodes her into tiny pieces | 14 |
of white noise, feeling the way | 15 |
helium voices sound | 16 |
while singing Happy Birthday. | 17 |
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14 Mar 06 |
Rated 9.3 (8.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 8, 10
Inactive (5): 6, 8, 8, 8, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(248 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
I like this poem. it talks to me a a child wearing her mother shoes imaging be taken away by the balloon, the innocenc of the child, safe from the evil streets.
— timbosys
This is quite lovely, I love the details in the 1st stanza and 3rd stanza has great imagery. I can't think of any suggestions just yet . . . thanx for sharing.
— redsky
I love the first two lines. yes. yes I do.
— unknown
Thanks for liking this. I was thinking of a spirit trapped in human form, trying to keep herself weighted but with her mind always on the other world she accidentally got separated from.
Or someone who tries drugs once and gets heavily addicted, could be either one!
— Isabelle5
line 8, "its"
This poem seems to whimsical to be concretely rooted in the birthday image which you have used twice. I think one or the other might do better, but not both. I love helium voices though - that may do well enough to be reminiscent of the "birthday balloon".
i love "tiny pieces of white noise", the first two lines, and the image of the shoes. My parents always used to buy shoes with "room to grow into" and I remember walking that way, feeling as if I had to hold on to the earth.
I don't know that "Heavens" capitalized means anything - if it is supposed to add an additional religious element to the poem? I am not normally opposed to that, but the word seems... heavy where it should seem light. Perhaps something to do with... celestial, airy.... I don't know.
excellent poem. :)
— Ananke
oh, and also i love the title
— Ananke
erhm. that should be "too whimsical" not "to". sorry.
— Ananke
Anake, I always feel honored when you read and comment on my poems. I've changed it's to its and changed Birthday balloon to fragile. That will tie it to the fact that it blows apart later, I think. Good suggestions humbly taken.
Imc
— Isabelle5
Oh, the Heavens indicates the stars, the galaxies, the things apart from the Earth she's been bound to.
— Isabelle5
that's what I thought, but when it's capitalized like that it makes it seem like heaven like God's Heaven
— Ananke
i like the change to fragile
— Ananke
L8- It should be 'sets' shouldn't it?
This is sad, but cute in a weird sort of way. I like it.
— fallinforyou
I changed Heavens to stars. That way, it can't be mistaken for God's Heaven and it makes sense.
Also, set is not sets. Her mind is set, as in her mind is made up and focused on the stars.
I'm so excited by the good comments! Thank you so much!
— Isabelle5
I really like this one.but i would take out the word evil,you don't need to spell things out for the reader in a poem as good as this.
— larrylark
Okay, evil is out. I changed it to comfortless. I'm trying to convey the feeling of her sense of being out of place until she learns to be above it with sights set higher.
— Isabelle5
well duh this is good!
— unknown
good poem. like the idea.
— listen
This makes no sense whatsoever, were you taking drugs when you wrote this?
— unknown
lovely.. love the title too.
— trochee
Why is an Unknown writing crap on my poems?
— Isabelle5
Great poem, i'm not sure about L13&14, they disrupt the flow of the poem
— unknown
I have to have the air in her lungs, she's about to explode from the helium she's breathed in! She explodes like a balloon.
— Isabelle5
Hello Isabelle5, I am writing rubbish on your poems because that is what they are and there is no denying it, so just stop writing before you are carted of to the mental asylum!!!!!
— unknown
Maybe it's just that word 'explode', such an unpoetic word and imo it detracts greatly from the poem
— unknown
Um, this is great! I don't like the mention of helium again in ln 16. I think that needs to be something other beautifying. It's one too many especially with the bedraggled singing of happy birthday. How about a new song for our celebrations! Oh now it feels good. -C
— unknown
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