| Ornate
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ProzacNation
| ok- can't think of a title.
and sorry if it's crap- wrote it at 4am- couldn't sleep so composed it in my head then wrote it on scrap paper. heh.
suggestions please :-)
| Sapphire sparkles | 1 |
Across wet cheeks | 2 |
As peal ovals roll | 3 |
Down her marbled complexion | 4 |
From ruby eyes; | 5 |
A desolate figure | 6 |
Emerald memories flash | 7 |
Like diamonds across | 8 |
Her jaded mind, | 9 |
She feels the glass | 10 |
And the hot sticky breath | 11 |
Of the man that took | 12 |
The beauty away. | 13 |
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15 Mar 06 |
Rated 6 (7.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 6
Inactive (1): 9
(define the words in this poem)
(22 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
way too many gemstones. It's like a gemologist convention in a soup
— unknown
What are peal ovals? Sapphires are blue so they are on her cheeks why?
I don't see what you're going for, sorry. Can you tell us about it?
— Isabelle5
"As peal ovals roll/Down her marbled complexion" - weaker than the other lines. Consider revision? Powerful word couplings otherwise. I agree, title needs work. i always feel small, effective poems need powerful, exciting titles.
— WordsAndMe
lol- as i said i wrote it early in the morning. and to be honest i should have researched a bit before writing this. the idea was to use lots of gemstones. unfortuantely- all i know are the names of them. haha- when i've got the time i'll edit this so it makes sense.
— ProzacNation
Well, for early in the morning - it's pretty decent!
— WordsAndMe
Gem of a poem which could become a jewel in your crown
Larry
— unknown
thanks larry :-)
— ProzacNation
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