poetry critical : poem

The Advice to Young Poets Columnist *now with audio reading*

Dear netsky,	1
I miss my friends.	2
They are away at university while I work	3
and save up money to start this September.	4
How can I entertain myself without them?	5
They are my life blood you know.	6
x	7
musicwords	8
http://www.myspace.com/musicandwords	9


quote and pretext used by her permission	10
http://poetry.tetto.org/forum/read/67210	11


-----	12

Dear musicwords,	13

I've read your question and perused	14
your linked myspace homepage.	15

Without answers yet for entertainment	16
I see you show fine character—	17
your work for education proves	18
your yearnings are quite well-applied.	19

Were you to quit from university	20
I would offer no adversity	21

for all can flourish by your leaving—	22

I mean	23

your leaves of thoughts are cares	24

ungrieved—	25

no-one suffers longing nearby you	26

a study	27

well-instilled with kindness	28
gentling dogs and gods alike	29
along with all the creatures in between.	30

How can you entertain such thoughts	31
of loss of any friends' 'life blood'?	32

Why, you are indeed yourself	33
that very fluid.	34

I send regrets, but falsely, only	35
regarding pasts gone off to uni	36

and if coveting is not a sin	37
I'll have their portions of you then	38

for mine's the way	39
of selfish knaves	40

drawn to your sights	41
your sounds infusing	42
each of us your every musing	43
words to music	44
fine conjoinments	45
con vivace!	46
musicwords	47


-netsky-	48

17 Mar 06

Rated 10 (5.7) by 1 users.

Active (1): 10
Inactive (2): 1, 6

(define the words in this poem)
(191 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

musicwords

Add A Comment:

Comments:

not great. self-promoting. boring.
— unknown

Is it egotistical if I add this to my favourites? I like the re-write sweetness, it's amazing.

Makes me feel sort of...at ease with everything.
You humble me with you time and effort.

x
— musicwords

Oh, first commentor: the poem is yet in draft.
ALL poetry is self-promoting, you goose.

---

musicwords:  poetry should be fun for both reader and writer.
personal versing is good for all people.

It is not a humbling but a small uplift for us both.

Egotistical?  You bet, commentor number one.
Boring? That's your call, fine, no worries.   One reader, the one I most care about,
is not bored nor is she boring.

She is musical and she is of all the good words.
— netskyIam

i love it, knowing the muse it fits perfectly.
and it is less self promoting and more a gift as i see it.
beautiful.
(thea)
— unknown

musicwords,  may I run this poem soon at The Critical Poet?
I think it will do well at some boards, if not here.
— netskyIam

thank you thea!
I become excited when I can uplift another person so far away,
so easily, so pleasantly.  It's all good.
— netskyIam

=muffed a closing tag=
— netskyIam

..
— netskyIam

fixed now.  otherwise it would've run on and on.

pardon that please.
— netskyIam

this is true, it always nice to help another, especially when it is so personal. well done.
— Thea

Nothing really does well here Netsky, some poems are just picked up and celebrated in a moment of pretencious glory before someone with more time than sense rates a 1, and the work, once glorified, slips to the somewhat demeaning position of number 83, on the recent best.

Such is the virtual life we lead.

Of course you can use it, send me a link, so I can read what other people think of your words (I somehow feel protective over them).

x

PS Did you by some chance receive my mail?
— musicwords

Thanks again Thea.
musicwords,  will check mail shortly.

I think I have the poem roughed in now.

Fresh poems always evolve over a period of days or weeks;
never really finished in the first hour.

Of course!  I want you to help with suggestions.

I really want to keep the (a bit awkward) "university" gambit.
at present it goes "if someone cancelled university".
-the meter is a mess- but oh, well.  I prefer content to rule the verse.

laters,
r'y
— netskyIam

I think I might prefer the old ending chap. The one that this post originally had, not the forum one (though that is lovely too).

x
— musicwords

all the best to musicwords.

back to:

what?  I forget... was it "all unique to musicwords"?
*I'll put it back to whatever you prefer*
perspectives are invaluable.
— netskyIam

old fool. L
— unknown

flabby old fool.
— unknown

The perilous progress of this uniquely odd poem may also be followed
at a high-level critical board:
http://www.criticalpoet.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=66104#661 04

I have no idea how it will run, nor if it will be at all understood.
My best and my worst poems are so strangely individualistic as to be
mysterious things that I myself, certainly cannot adjudge.
— netskyIam

I forget the old ending exactly, but it did not contain my screen name... I forget! And I aplogise. Do you not keep draughts saved?

x
— musicwords

Hey Reid, What happen to the poem we were working on? You know the one with the penis and the baby with a penis head...I liked it. Repost it or something.

And also I need you to check on this new poem that I wrote, so far no one understands it. Can you help? Okay. Its called ODE to Kitty(a sequel to "I could have sworn she called me a bitch)

Drew
— Him

just put back this earlier phrasing, which is a good deal softer, and similar to what was first done at the message board:

and if coveting
is not a sin
I'll have their left-off portions of you then,
for mine's the way
of selfish knaves

---
zzzzz sleeeping now
— netskyIam

"I forget the old ending exactly, but it did not contain my screen name... I forget! And I aplogise. Do you not keep draughts saved?"

no, I did not. I compose in the box here.
But, I'm pretty sure I need that dramatic finish with the flow of musical words. (present mindset).  On the other hand, we can make something a lot closer to the finish seen at the message board page.  Or something in between.   The lost finish contained the word "unique" or "uniquely", did it not?

--I'll be back in a half dozen hours or so.  Off to bed at 10:30AM.  How silly and channeled is that?  All night on poetry and most of the morning.  nutz.
— netskyIam

Don't change it if you like it better this way friend, there is no need. I really wish I had been saving you copies. I am a sham of an observer.

x
— musicwords

author reading
http://img480.imageshack.us/my.php?image=flashmp38xc.swf
— netskyIam

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
— unknown

it's just for oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

lol!
— netskyIam

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