Are you lonely,full of balony,
your favourite toy is My Little Pony.
Is your middle name Boris, Horace or Maurice,
do you never nod and smile at dear old Auntie Doris.
Do books by Freud make you totally annoyed,
when you can't tie your dickie,does the missus take the micky.
You hate wet tongued smackers,have boils on your knackers
Eat bone dry cream crackers while shakin' your marracas.
Is your hernia belt so tight that it keeps you up at night,
while texting elves and sprites,or phoning up a gnome.
Scared of the wife, cus she's got herself a life,
prance round the gazebo pretending you are Nero.
Shoot rooks and crows to bury in the lawn,
won't have a bath since the day you watched Jaws.
Like dressing up in ribbons and bows,
manicure your toes, have a shed that explodes,
a talking toad that you take out for a walk.
Can you fart in tune to the theme tune from the news.
Then your totally bonkers and should be certified.