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Chance Meeting On A Rainy Day.
opal

Audio if you want to listen

http://susannapoetry.zoomshare.com/files/cmoard.wav



After disbelieving greetings,
 1
surprised hello,
 2
came silence
 3
as I looked up
 4
at you
 5
and you
 6
looked down at me.
 7
Our umbrellas formed
 8
a fragile roof
 9
above our heads,
 10
half black, half red.
 11
Rain had stopped,
 12
left air so moist,
 13
outlines of cars, buses,
 14
passers by, buildings
 15
blurred in mist.
 16
I smelled damp wool,
 17
saw tiny sequin
 18
web of wet
 19
glitter on your sleeve,
 20
heard traffic's hiss,
 21
abstracted sounds
 22
of speech, a police siren.
 23
Your face was my focus.
 24
You leaned towards me
 25
and we kissed.
 26

23 Mar 06

Rated 10 (7.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (22): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(10 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Awww!  The perfect ending.  Strangers kissing under umbrellas!  (Strangers, right?)
 — Isabelle5

wrong isabelle!! Not strangers - clandestine lovers - meeting by chance many years later,
 — opal

Simple, pretty, well done, love it! Though from the start I get the feeling they're not strangers, they're two people who already knew eachother and chanced to meet. Nice job, imparts a warm feeling!
 — wamblicante

PS - I wrote the above before your reply to Isabelle came on so I guess I was lucky here with my perception of the poem.
 — wamblicante

Oh, I see!  Disbelieving and surprise.  Nice that the spark was still there.  So sad when it goes the other way and you feel sick knowing you touched that person!  ugh!

hahaa  I love it
 — Isabelle5

We have a psychic wamblicante in the house!
 — opal

Tell me about it isabelle - touching the object of our former desires - yeuch - but nothing is ever quite the same as 'I still love you, where did you spring from?'
 — opal

This is some mighty fine enjambment - better used than I could ever achieve :) Especially in lines 3-7

I was suprised by the ending - I thought it was more ominous than romance - created a nice contrast for your end line.  
If you so desiered, you could stop the poem at police siren and the peice would have a completely different feel - you know, if you felt like toying.

Loved it.
 — WordsAndMe

No way psychic, just a bit perceptive and read into the start of the poem. I really do like it a lot. It describes a sweet moment well!
 — wamblicante

the only line i dont like is 13, air so moist. otherwise, love this
 — unknown

Hi Opal,

Initially I liked this; In fact, I still like it.
It runs very smooth.

However, as usual I came unstuck on your modern syntax.

In fact, I slipped on a banana skin on the very first line, and seemingly did not recover on the second line either.

After disbelieving greetings, (Plural I believe)

surprised hello,    Is not hello singular, and could hello possibly have been the greeting(s) if so should it not have been hello’s

came silence, is that not a verb confused.

After disbelieving greetings,
surprised hello,
came silence.

Being uneducated, I would probably have preferred to read it as follows.

After disbelieving greetings,
and surprised hello’s,
came; silence.

Just a thought, much to do, must dash.

My great grand children are teaching me how to write English, and do simple poetries I will get there eventually.

Morchuis.
 — Mor

unbelievable.

definitely a favorite.

you captured all of the right scents, sounds, images
in the right order
it was everything we needed to know to make this poem work
and work well.
 — root

i should say too it requires a really quiet sense of recollection to remember how important some of those things are.

that is why i'm so impressed.

thank you.
 — root

I really like this, esp. the focus on small details; it underlines how important this chance meeting is in the mind of the speaker.

I would end it at l. 24 or even l. 25, to keep the ambiguity and charged intensity of the buildup and keep the reader guessing.
 — leukothea

Excellent imagery. I could see the whole scene unfold before my eyes.
 — wanderlusted

Thanks to root (having a sabbatical?), to leukothea and wanderlusted - delighted you liked the imagery - its meant to be a modern take on 'Le Rouge et Le Noir' by Stendahl, lol - playing down the political connotations of course!  
 — opal

stendhal - apologies - it's an anagram of Shetland anyway.
 — opal

Beautiful
 — dia

whoaaa.. finally a monsoon poem.

cheers. thanx OPal.
 — trochee

I love the audio.

This poem puts a well-deserved smile on my face.

This is a saucy poem: from heads to reds, buses, passers by, mist, hiss, and finally that kiss.
 — Rixes

GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
 — unknown

Hello unknown - are you stuck down a hole? On second thoughts, don't bother answering that.
 — opal

i really enjoyed this. it's a simple moment, delivered to me simply, but is a profundity in its sounds, and images. i especially appreciate the lines following

web of wet

notice that each line carries with it an 'ess' sound, and the passing of the cars, the obfuscation of vision becomes real through each sparse and densely effective line.
good shit
 — chuckle_s

wow -- yeah thiss iss blisss to read out loud --sssweet
 — AlchemiA

What a wonderful poem!  I love the imagery and rhythm.  Great work Opal.
 — unknown

A nice poem.

However, I must say I am in a state of shock, mortified.
I never ever imagined that opal could sound like this!.
It is terrible, my dreams and imagery destroyed for ever.
What a cruel trick she has played upon my senses.
I retreat into that unredeeming world of misery.
How cruel her words destroy my illusions
Were on, I only wanted a gentle mind massage.

Mor or someone that sounds just like him.
 — unknown

This is the title and title poem of my book - now available on amazon.
 — opal

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