poetry critical

online poetry workshop

silver sliver

i shake
to let
that one
ant de
tail fall
red to
the floor

29 Mar 06

Rated 7 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (1): 7

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an IV drug user?  is that what this is?
interesting.  I guess I wonder what your purpose of writing this is.  i like how brief it is, but I can't shake the sense that its incomplete.
 — jerotich

Blood.  I need more than this;  though I can come up with something on my own, I want your story.  (imc)
 — Isabelle5

blood, iv's. nothing to do with this poem. good try. keep trying.
 — hank

i thought of a tree. afterwards.
 — hank

is it about masturbation ?.
 — unknown

Is it about the big head you get on a badly poured Guinness .
 — unknown

oh. i see. but  was it salvaged?
 — bettalpha

 — unknown

maybe delete "the" in line eight. might help with timing. but overall good.
 — listen

come on hank.... pleeeease won't you tell us what this is about?
 — jerotich

I don't understand this, either, and that bothers me. =(
 — fallinforyou

i think the clue is in line 6 j&f
 — bettalpha

this is about envy...

-not hank-
 — unknown