| punctuated love.
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Rixes
| it’s the moon | 1 |
tonight that looks the lonelier, | 2 |
like a parenthesis without | 3 |
a mate: even as i stare | 4 |
at it thinking of you curled | 5 |
into an apostrophe. | 6 |
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22 Apr 06 |
Rated 9 (8.5) by 34 users.
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(define the words in this poem)
(138 more poems by this author)
(46 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
It should be parentheses.
— Maela
should it? i though parenthesis was the singular form of it.
— Rixes
Lovely! Paranthesis is the singular, yes. This is exactly the kind of poem I wish I could construct. Absolutely a favourite. I hope no one persuades you to change even the most minuscule of details. It is whimsical, snsitive, yearning and saucy all rolled into one little dim sum of perfectly chosen words. (10)
— borntodance
Tasty
=madderhatter
— unknown
short. sweet.
— unknown
nice poem rix.
— zazza
gorgeous
8)
— misspanda
Perfectly punctuated poem. I love it. Thankyou for allowing me to think of this poem the next time I look up at the moon.
— starr
Sorry Rixes, I should have looked deeper at the online dictionary.
Great poem. I smile every time I reach the last line. x)
— wordphile
Ugh. Wrong longin.
-Maela
— wordphile
lol cute.
— SweetPain
Wonderful to see you again, Rixes. A nice piece to come across as well. I've been trying to work with some shorter poems recently and been somewhat unsuccesful, so it's pleasant to see it can be done.
My only real critique is your choice of "lonelier" in l2 rather than "lonely". It does make sense by the end of the poem, but it does make me stumble. I'm not sure that it really needs to be the comparative tone... but that's just me. Well done.
— dandy
line six ties it. great poem.
— listen
i like your poem
well observed
good metaphor
— bettalpha
Parenthesis is the cingular form. Parentheses is the plural.
— freqe24
"rolled into one little dim sum of perfectly chosen words" is poetry - sheer poetry. And so is this - just joyful, lovely writing. Well done, Rickey dear.
— wendz
Except, there's something a little awkward about the way the semicolon reads followed by a comma.
— wendz
awesome!
— unknown
Ah, so lovely. This poem just puts me in a wistful mood every time.
— Maela
You might find this crazy, but check it out:
it’s the moon tonight
that looks lonelier
like a mateless parenthesis;
even as i stare,
thinking of you curled.
Apostrophe? No, it would be better to line up the curl to match the parenthesis which has no mate.
That's just me, buddy; either way... slightly intriguing.
Enjoy
-rh
— unknown
moon pomes rock this joint.
Apostrophes, though, they rock my face off. And then some. 'Specially folks curled up into apostrophes.
Favorite.
— povertea
i have one word for this poem, "w00t-iful" 10/10. favorite
— NathanSimms
that's outstanding!! well done.
ditto Maela.
Meep
— unknown
.
Tonight it’s the moon
that looks that much the lonelier.
Like a parenthesis without its mate;
Even as I stare at it, I think of you;
curled into your apostrophe; of late.
Morchuis
— unknown
The title is perfect for this.
It's so delicate and sweet.
It's perfect.
I don't know who Mor is, but he should learn that sticking in common, extra words to get a poem to rhyme isn't terribly great, ya know?
— saveadam
I don't know if I like the lack of capitalization. Lovely metaphor.
— thehalfman
You must be a beautiful person.
— OKcomputer
it’s the moon
tonight that looks the lonelier,
a parenthesis without
a mate: even as i stare
at it thinking of you, curled,
an apostrophe.
or
it’s the moon
tonight that looks the lonelier,
a parenthesis without
a mate: even as i stare
at it thinking of you curled.
an apostrophe.
is much, much tighter, IMO.
-B
— unknown
This is lovely work, delicate and wistful
— unknown
B's opinions are retarded.
— unknown
wow, love the idea of someone curved into an apostrophe like the moon. Not sure about the whole meaning beyond metaphor though.
— bleach
Awesome poem. No, seriously. Fantastic.
10. Favorite. What else?
— zackrabbit
This is so beautiful... I love it.
— CrimsonStorm
great.
— crimsonkiss
I wish I could convey my thoughts so clearly and simply! It's beautiful!
— ninabaladina
man, borntodance stole everything that i could have said about this.
don't change a word.
— shakeit
I really like this concept. Perhaps you will think of expanding it.
— colinsk
"Can analysis be worthwhile? Is the theater really dead?
— unknown
A delight! Perfect! Thank you.
Lucy
— mnemosyne
It stayed with me, so it is now a favorite. Well done!
Lucy
— mnemosyne
Still loving this poem to pieces! Reese's Pieces even! Hey Rixes! Hollerin'. :-)
— starr
I missed this one. This is nice and small, a little glow in all this misery. A poem with punctuation not only used but included! I love that!
— Isabelle5
remember that song??? i love you period. do you love me question mark? please please exclamation point! (i wanna hold you in perentheses) hahahah i used to love that song. i like this poem very much, the moon is an apostrophe tonight!
— zekejacobi
This is so cute. I would have thought "comma", and then I saw that "apostrophe" flows better. Good job.
— Aziel
it's the motion tonight which looks moony,
like a parenthesis without a pantaloon;
even as they stare, the mall goers rate
it without thinking, as art and sign,
into an astrology.
— joey
sorry but I think a dash would be better than the colon, otherwise, nearly perfect
— unknown
I like it. deliberate lack of capitolization where traditionally appropriate removes one of the markers that tells us where one sentence ends and the other begins. aswell, it removes the ontological importance that we attach to proper nouns. that both the part preceding and coming after the colon are sentence fragments structurally parallels a them in the poem: incompletion. The first half is a comparative statement with the moon as subject, however, there is no other object of comparison provided. The second part begins with a modifying phrase, but there is not subject, nor even an object. In effect, the poem asserts nothing. which is perfectly correlative to the topic of love.
— jimmybones
this one must be for all those english majors out there who think this is soooooooo coooll
— unknown
yeah, it's like in driver's ed where they learn stick shift. vroom-vroom! but, it's the way you have to write at some point in your life, or you won't find your own voice. your's is just this blah-blah with important nouns and is pretty automatic and car-seat.
— joey
hmm
nifty idea but i think i mightve taken it a bit further
the apostrophe (you) has dealt existence to the moon and relieved it of possession
therefore itd be nice to see parentheses employed to some similar effect, maybe (a mate)?
there are a few things that could be done with/to this
surely the sign of something well done?
merry christmas
— chuckle_s
The more I read this, the more I fall in love with it. <333
— Aziel
:)
yes,
:)
— photobooth
forgot to fave-10 this before.
: )
— fractalcore
Like the way it comes to a full stop and is cleverly done.
Larry semi coma Lark
— larrylark
Loved it.
— sweetirade
Clever use of something sometimes to undervalued to create something wonderful.
— theshattered
Brief and lovely, great job Rixes!
— unknown
Beautiful. Memorable. Perfect.
— smugzy
this is cute,
but I just don't see the WOW factor in it.
ah well, I'm sure those who love it find it an amazing poem, and that's all that matters.
=-)
jen-
— jenakajoffer
perfect
— vienta
love this.
— allimarie
This is still one of the closest things to decent poetry on this site.
— unknown
moon, mate; parenthesis, apostrophe. this is marketing, wrapped in too much plastic. no smell, no taste. "scrunched into a comma" would have helped, and "parenthesis without a parent", even. "mate" is too much like captain crunch.
— joey
somedays Joey just has no soul
— unknown
probably after disappointing sex
— unknown
soul involves love, and this poem isn't about love, it's about affectation. it's simply "smug" and smug is never soul. that you want and are able to read simple poetry in a simple way is in your favor, since that's the kind of poem that first attracts our interest, and how we have to read, from the very start of consciousness. middle-class poetry like this is useful, but i'm not sure for what... for showing your mother or father something about your "soul", or for getting laid. either is kind of kid's stuff. it's ok as writing, but it's not a kind of poetry that stands on its own.
— joey
no lover would describe his beloved as "scrunched". it's just unattractive and unbecoming.
furthermore, perhaps you meant twin, joey. a parenthesis without a parent wouldn't work, because a parent implies a precursor that parented the child. that's not the case with parentheses. i like mate, anyway, it suggests mates or friends are two halves that make a whole, that require and need each other.
— unknown
the longing for the moon is the "love" part, and whomever there only enhances and augments the feeling of love and that love is real and not with one.
— joey
sorry, i'm getting a brain tumor or something. it's "whomever isn't there", and traditionally the poet is alone anyway, and the poem is a creation of either better or other.
— joey
it's the moon tonight that looks the lonelier like a parenthesis without
a mate: even as i state at it thinking of you curled into an apostrophe.
— unknown
loony moon,
like a dad without a son,
a chum; even as i stare
at you, o, moon,
thinking you
as a clever
image.
— joey
delicious.
=]
— unknown
frozen dinner! nice carrots.
— joey
i'm sorry, but i feel like you're mixing metaphors here.
— fireballems
I like that something i like to do. Take something random (like punctuation) and put it into feelings. Bravo.
— PoisonPoet_x
what a charming expression, lovely to read
— sherains
So sweet and cute.
— themolly
Refreshing
~Daisy Jones
— unknown
sad :(
— shiziz
gah! love it! love your style!
— sazxyen
love it
— elainena
Excellent. I would try to publish this one.
— stackpop
it’s the moon
tonight that looks the lonelier
like one parenthesis
even as i
stare at it
thinking of you curled
into an
apostrophe.
— eric
There appears to be something quite illogical about this poem, the whole basis of a parenthesis is that it does need or have a mate. A sentence can stand without it.
Is rixes really suggesting that he is staring at the parenthesis it would appear so?
Mor.
— unknown
Sorry about the omission, it should have read, the whole basis of a parenthesis is that it does not need or have a mate.
Mor.
— unknown
i feel like ive heard it before. at least the curled into an apostrophe part. i do like the first two lines however.
— unknown
i like it, but would like it better if the 'apostrophe' was 'comma' instead--the whole poem seems to pause and take breath at the end. the end leaves me wanting more, which is much better represented by 'comma' this is my thinking.
— Xiada
i love this, especially the way the first line catches me. the title is a little trite and doesn't do it justice, however.
— Xiada
Everything lines up perfectly, great poem.
— technomancer
looooove it
— silentspring
<3
I like it. yeah it's mighty fine. The apostrophe is good as you need 2 of them to be complete.
— john
I love this.
— Inspire
Nice vision, especially the sleeping apostrophe who is not with the author, but is curled up, dreaming of love. SImple and effective
— shaunsout
It's perfect. I love it.
— eyerite
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