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The Authentic History Of The Beatles

Part 1. The Early Years.
John,Paul,George and Ringo
were only small when they were born
but by 1953, John had stormed to the top
of a conker tree that many in the Liverpool suburb
of Diddleington considered unclimbable.
They all lived in separate houses with steady folk
who said,"Looking at girls makes you blind."
"Mind you get a good school report." "Guitars are bad."
"Singing wears out your throat." and "If you don't continue
your swimming lessons you'll fall out of a boat
down into the Mersey and not float."
The area where they grew up was a mysterious place
full of seafarers, spray,tattoo'd faces and women
who came to the dockside carrying stilleto heels,hidden away
in the steely bee hives of their hair.The whole place round there
was alive and buzzing.
The men were called "Whack!" and took strong mustard
with their chips, mackeral and seal steaksl.Cynthia Lennon
as she was to become,possessed lucious lips
and a Gainsborough like beauty.She was exhibited
in the Walker Gallery where she met John.
The boys were fed a diet of Elvis, Fat Dominoes, Bill Hilarious
and the Combs and Lenny Lonegan. They got the nefarious idea  
of forming a band when Paul wandering away from home fell from
the top of a local quarry and landed on John.
They had to wait till George grew up and Ringo got tired
of his job as a bingo caller,then leapt in the back of a removal van
going to Hamburg where they played tunes,rented rooms
and  learned how to speak in tongues.
When they returned people thought they were German bongo players
and interned them in the Epstein P.O.W. Camp above  a record store
in Hitler Street.where thousands came to see these strange boys
from overseas, who some people remembered from all those years ago,
playing  wash boards on  sunny summer days in Liverpool.
Part 2.
The self indulgent years.
After escaping to London The Boys indulged in powders and potions
and made a commotion that no one really understoo........................
blah blah blah  to be continued.

17 May 06

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This one made me laugh.

I was an American girl brought up by a British mum who tried hard to be American too.  But never quite got the hang of it!

Say, If I were to describe my mum - she is the "spitting" image and personality of HYACINTH and of course, a loyal member of Daughters of the British Empire!
 — violet

Dear Violet

I am so pleased you have a mum who seems such a fine upstanding example of Britishness.I never had one being found under a stawberry bush in Lithuania and smuggled into Liverpool by a mysterious sailor called Boris where i worked for many years as Brian Epsteins valet.I graduated to playing Bongo's in The Lurchers,one of the Mersey sounds biggest bands,all being 7 foot tall and when we played The Cavern they had to get down on their knees and prayayay which gave them Needles And Pins ,their greatst hit.I found my Mum recently while wandering along New Brighton Peir and i could tell it was her cus she had a big plaque round her neck which read HAS ANYONE SEEN MY SON.Thanks for your lovely reply and tell your mum Larry loves all mums.

Larry Morherhood Lark
 — unknown

I love to stories you tell - so fanciful and me wishing I could live them...
 — youngone

Dear Yougone

I actually did live through the early years of the Beatles through knowing John Lennons butler,Bertie Fender,who used to let me help him polish the great mans guitar strings.Gerry and his Pacemaker used to come round to drink Pepper Tea with Bertie and once Brian Epstein waved at me and winked as I was passing on a bus.Cilla Black used to smoke Woodbines round the back of the bowling green in Netherton and Billy J.Kramer once asked me if i'd lend him one pound fifty so he could buy a womans dress from the Oxfam Shop.My favourite Mersey side band were The Lungs who disbanded before the formed in1960 .Their single "Part My Hair Or Lend Me A Wig" reached number 72 in the New Brighton Hit Parade. A really good public house,ooops sorry,publication charting the path of the early Mersey sound. is the classic "Give Us A Drag On Yer Fag Whack" written by Peter Paul Mary Diddyman who discovered the ancient Liverpool jam butty mines in Raspberry Street which led along a series of interconnecting tunnels to The Cavern where old cavemen used to sit scratching their scrotums eating scouse and saying things like "Hey mate,do ya fink Everton'll win yer FA Cup this year."Everton is a small village in the centre of Liverpool where gravy was invented.So you see it isn't a dream,it was unreal.

Larry partial to small black shiny insects Lark
 — larrylark

i went to uni o sussex in 87.
not a beach one would lie on.
its nice but it falls apart round 23.
 — gnormal

Dear Gnormal

You are absolutely correct about this one it loses the plot or should that be pot about two thirds through so i'll rework that part.If you wish to E-mail me any time Opal has set me up with a new address .Thanks for the crit .

 — unknown


I'll have you know, I am the walrus.

Nice poem,
 — ElsieTime

Thanks for that info Elsie
 — larrylark

No worries Larry Lark
 — ElsieTime