when my dad was young he
had a goat to eat burdocks
the only thing that could
but it was his pet
not his lawn mower but even still
you use things
that goat of his only liked him i
have been told
he would butt anybody else
i have my own goats now
tobago goats tethered
antigua goats feral
mine staring horizontal pupils pegged
31 May 06
Rated 8 (9) by 1 users.
Inactive (2): 8, 9, 10
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leave out the BUT in line5
its got potential but
you haven't connected yourself to your father through the gosts just yet.
thanks but no thanks.
and on rereading again (and again), i like the 'but'.
but is superfluous - it islike saying more better or something BUT to each his own
I liked it anyway
let me spell it out- but, butt.
I like "but" in l4 and in l5, but not necessarily both. It seems a little repetitious. Would you consider "and" in l5? Or maybe breaking the line after "mower"?
I like it, regardless. My family used to raise goats. Strange animals.
how can two words that mean completely different things be 'repetitious'? how can two words that are spelled similarly, sound similarly, used cleverly, be- 'repetitious'?
very strange animal.
It was just an opinion and a well intentioned suggestion, Hank.
I was referring to the but in l4 and in l5, not the butt in l9. That one is indeed entirely appropriate.
you didn't even mention l6. this has been very carefully constructed.
thank you so much for the reading. really, thank you. what about donkey?
I don't see a but in l6. That particular word was the subject of my comment.
It's very clear that this is carefully constructed. That doesn't necessarily mean that it can't be changed. If you don't wish to, that's certainly your prerogative.
I'll take a look at it, if you like.
actually dandy, i wrote this as it came to my fingertips after it came to my head. don't know if that is carefully constructed or not. but did reread maybe, say, 40-50 times before posting. thats why i say carefully constructed, etc. cheers. ty.
I'd comment about the repetition of the "but's" in L's 4&5, but I'm not in the mood for an attack, so I'll pass. The poem, itself, is potentially good and could benefit from some line breaks so as not to totally confuse the reader. I like it. I like goats too. They're really cute (and smart).
but even still is not well english
ahhh, where's kal when you need her?
You have used the word but in two consecutive lines and the second use is superfluous however, this is a very cute poem.
I think line 9 is just right. I have a goat ( it was given to me I don't know what kind it is) and angora rabbits.
butt heads. double entendre-duh
this is certainly underrated.
Everyone should own a goat, or at least use goat soap and drink goat milk.
ok. a bit forced.not bad.