sometimes i use poetry
to bring a smile to my face
and want one now
and it is odd how not getting
angry does not necessarily
i at some time in the past
shined apples with mittened
hands that wore socks
loved the smiles on the
faces of those eating forbidden
shined with footwear
16 Jun 06
Rated 5 (8) by 1 users.
Inactive (2): 5, 9, 10
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The first stanza doesn't set up the second. The first 6 lines are wasted. The seond 6 hold the promise of an idea, though your line breaks are atrocious, broken simply to make this ragged right.
is line 11 missing a word? perhaps FRUIT
dianatrees. bullshit. the first definately does.
no, line eleven not missing 'fruit' because i didn't need to say it and you heard it.
Jesus! why are you so defensive?
There was no slight intended. I am glad you use poetry to bring smiles
because your personality certainly doesn't.
whereas i love this. it reminds me of me. and apple orchards and things from when i was five years old. well done.
Yeah - Well I never said I didnt like it - I just wondered if a word was missing
i'm not defensive. just definate.
and please refrain from calling me jesus. i do believe he passed through long ago.
nice poem hank.
p.s. - sometimes people are too confined. with others' thoughts and boundaries.
hank has a style. unlike most people, including me, that write poetry. he never denies learning. his poetry is suggestive, very much open to interpretation and personalised imagery. i think what many people do miss is looking at things from the poet's view. 'give me information on a silver fucking platter'. ridiculous. THINK!
the world opens up if and when we think!
fails. was looking for something stronger. apples shoud be respected better. easier to shine them than to write to you about them.
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