The first stanza doesn't set up the second. The first 6 lines are wasted. The seond 6 hold the promise of an idea, though your line breaks are atrocious, broken simply to make this ragged right. — DianaTrees
is line 11 missing a word? perhaps FRUIT — unknown
dianatrees. bullshit. the first definately does.
no, line eleven not missing 'fruit' because i didn't need to say it and you heard it. — hank
Jesus! why are you so defensive?
There was no slight intended. I am glad you use poetry to bring smiles
because your personality certainly doesn't. — unknown
whereas i love this. it reminds me of me. and apple orchards and things from when i was five years old. well done. — claudia
Yeah - Well I never said I didnt like it - I just wondered if a word was missing — unknown
and please refrain from calling me jesus. i do believe he passed through long ago. — hank
nice poem hank.
p.s. - sometimes people are too confined. with others' thoughts and boundaries.
hank has a style. unlike most people, including me, that write poetry. he never denies learning. his poetry is suggestive, very much open to interpretation and personalised imagery. i think what many people do miss is looking at things from the poet's view. 'give me information on a silver fucking platter'. ridiculous. THINK!
the world opens up if and when we think! — unknown
fails. was looking for something stronger. apples shoud be respected better. easier to shine them than to write to you about them. — hank