poetry critical

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macintosh
hank

sometimes i use poetry
 1
to bring a smile to my face
 2
and want one now
 3
and it is odd how not getting
 4
angry does not necessarily
 5
bring happiness
 6
 
 
i at some time in the past
 7
shined apples with mittened
 8
hands that wore socks
 9
loved the smiles on the
 10
faces of those eating forbidden
 11
shined with footwear
 12

16 Jun 06

Rated 5 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 5, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(451 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

The first stanza doesn't set up the second. The first 6 lines are wasted. The seond 6 hold the promise of an idea, though your line breaks are atrocious, broken simply to make this ragged right.
 — DianaTrees

is line 11 missing a word? perhaps FRUIT
 — unknown

dianatrees. bullshit. the first definately does.

no, line eleven not missing 'fruit' because i didn't need to say it and you heard it.
 — hank

Jesus! why are you so defensive?

There was no slight intended.  I am glad you use poetry to bring smiles
because your personality certainly doesn't.
 — unknown

whereas i love this. it reminds me of me. and apple orchards and things from when i was five years old. well done.
 — claudia

Yeah - Well I never said I didnt like it - I just wondered if a word was missing
 — unknown

very nicee
 — linushh

i'm not defensive. just definate.
 — hank

and please refrain from calling me jesus. i do believe he passed through long ago.
 — hank

nice poem hank.

-varun-

p.s. - sometimes people are too confined. with others' thoughts and boundaries.
hank has a style. unlike most people, including me, that write poetry. he never denies learning. his poetry is suggestive, very much open to interpretation and personalised imagery. i think what many people do miss is looking at things from the poet's view. 'give me information on a silver fucking platter'. ridiculous. THINK!
the world opens up if and when we think!
 — unknown

fails. was looking for something stronger. apples shoud be respected better. easier to shine them than to write to you about them.
 — hank

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