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Stone Gnome

Once upon a bitch,
once upon a moan,
I sat and passed the time
with my stone faced garden gnome.
His dead pan countenance
steady as a rock,
his ear holes had been copied,
straight from Doctor Spock.
With fists full of soil
i stuffed up those ears,
crammed his mouth chock full
of strong lager beers.
Threw him in the pond,
how the ducks did laugh,
chopped off his whatsits
with my granny's giant axe.
Bopped him on the nose,
cut off all his clothes,
covered up his backside
with my girlfriends panty hose.
He was my beacon,
who lit my every day,
why did I treat him badly?
I can never ever say.

25 Jun 06

Rated 9 (7.7) by 1 users.
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 — unknown

Larry you naughty boy lark

this was a fun read
 — unknown

This was cute and funny.
 — colormehappy

Dear unknown

Why does everyone laugh when i try to write something serious and get seriously annoyed when i try to make em laff.This is a serious attempt to draw the readers attention to Garden Gnome abuse and kidnapping which are becoming endemic in the suburbs of England

Larry with a little help from my friends Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Unknown

It makes me proud to be a fun poet. My garden gnome sends his regards

Larry potty shed Lark
 — larrylark

I once had a conversation about garden gnome bondage porn.

A friend was thinking seriously about cornering that market, but decided at the last minute that the current social tension between the red-hats and the blue-hats was too high for BDSM Gnome Porn to really be a viable investment.

And then he said something about taco-bakes and fat-free yogurt.
 — povertea

What's with the hus in line 5?
 — povertea

Dear colourmeharry

He is so cute and has never been affecter by the traumatic experiences of his life, like what i did to him and the fact that he has been kidnapped from our back yard on three occasions,once i had to fly to Vladivostok ine the middle of Winter and in co-operation with the KGB retrieved him from down a salt mine after paying a ransom of 3 thousand roubles.

Larry on the case Lark
 — unknown

Dear Poverty

Thanks for the spell spot.My Garden Gnome was a fine upstanding garden gnome till i noticed that the amount of liquid valium in by Phail kept dropping.
 — unknown

horrific, lol, a project manager perhaps.

 — unknown

 — listen

Didn't I see naked pictures of your gnome once in a book about gnomes?

I think you should sue.  I would love to be your gnome's solicitor.
 — unknown

Dear Meep

Its such an honour to have a comment from you on my worthlesss scribbling.Actually he got himself a job once as manager of a Gnome suit renewal project but he was hopeless handling the money he earned and i had to bale him out at the bank as he was always overgnome.Wor a gormless gnome.Thanks again for the comment.

Larry for the tiny people Lark
 — larrylark

I hope you get a cool picture from him in a far away place .
Brightened my day again .
Nice one .
 — sir_I_clan

Dear sir_I_can,

He has forgiven me and now peace and tranquility riegn supreme once more in the madmans garden

Larry herbaceous Lark
 — larrylark