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an evening primrose works fast
before your eyes even
then socks you in the nose
i am told and i like it
so does it matter
to be not a witness?

for mike t.

29 Jun 06

Rated 6 (6.5) by 1 users.
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This could be written better, don't you think?  Punctuation, some actual sentence structure, some idea of the scent.  That last line needs help.

Does it work fast?  Does it work?  What work does an Evening Primrose do?  

Were you told or do you know?  If you were only told, how can you like the scent?  See what I mean about needing to revise this?

Does a flower blooming in the garden still sweet if no one is there to smell it?  Is that the point of the last line?  Seems to be.
 — Isabelle5

Hank, you do this to me all the time!  You have great ideas but you toss them up and they come down like confetti poems, bits of stuff that can be great if you take just a teense more time!  I love your imagination and the fun but you make me crazy with your haphazard kind of style.

It makes me imagine you have clothes on the floor of your room....lol
 — Isabelle5

isabelle, don't go knocking your head. i'd hate to think that confetti can bruise. thanks. ty.
 — hank

and ill tell yo sonemthing els isablee.llllse.

i thiningkki


"an evening primrose works fast" is one of the best lines i've ever heard.
 — hank

the tree falling in the forest question again...

will it ever be answered?
 — unknown

yeah maybe.
 — hank

line 4 important.
 — hank