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The Science Of Domestic Appliance.

The fridge died in the night ,
right under where we lay comatose,
in  evening clothes,
faint shudder as its life came to a close,
tremour in  socket,
electric knocked back,
shaking  sprocket,  blue flash
mashed two cockroaches,
who'd Hokey Cokey'd
across cement dust poking between cavity walls.
"Hell of one long hot crusty night for the ice box to stall"
said Gramps staggering round the porch looking for a torch,
then decanting warm beer over  early morning beef and muffins.
He sure was short on sense,huffin'  puffin', wheezing over the past.
"I'm castin' ma mind back to '62 when the freezer blew,
melted down overnight. Lost half a bull,full hind leg of a horse,
head of a donkey, delivered from source, the day before.
And '85, when a brand new fridge arrived
with the delivery man locked inside. So who the hell'd
bin drivin' the van abandoned outside the front patio?
What about '98 when the T.V. screen blew to smithereens
during the thirty sixth repeat episode of Dallas.
J.R.stuck his ass right out the hole where the glass had been
to pass gas,and how Grandma got  a bottle corked it,
and for fucks sake swapped it on e-bay  
for a pair of Elvis's nail clippings that stay on the shelf
beneath that fly zapper thats just broke down as i speak.
Hey, get me the spray son. A bluebottles got his teeth into my meat."
At that moment there was a  full blown power cut
and the whole house stuttered into silence.

10 Jul 06

Rated 7.5 (8.1) by 4 users.
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Inactive (15): 1, 5, 5, 5, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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break the news about the toaster gently, very gently, to inutile
 — unknown

Sure as hell i will young timer

Larry from the back of the steam radio Lark
 — larrylark

nice. so many images well used. great tongue, can't name the dialect or location, but it's awesome ... unconventional but to perfection. with humor all over it.
 — listen

dear God, not the toaster!

unknown, no one warned me at all, let alone gently. even if they had, i still would have had to come here - as if i, a mere mortal, could resist the title.

larry, how could you write such terrible things? i'm still trying to recover after the shock and devastation from reading the first stanza.

listen, you think this is humorous? you make me sick.

i feel faint.


 — inutile

but an excellent tribute to those dear, dear appliances.
 — inutile

Dear Listen

We are victims of the appliance age.There's one for everything.All those things people used to do for themselves have been egg whisked away, why ,men now have drip dry underpants that never see an iron and the iron is grateful,if its working that is.

Larry plug face Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Inutile

I hope you recover soon.My tip to aid you is to buy one of those brain wave machines ,plug it in and don't fall asleep for if you do you will probably wake up in Abbysinia

Your poetic friend

Larry GP Lark
 — larrylark

hehehehehe I like it
 — dele

Dear Dele

Our fridge broke down sometime in the last couple of weks but no one noticed until fur began to creep out through its door.Gramps says"Hey! Sure glad you liked this one and i even wrote a couple of the lines

Fond regards

Larry 19th nervous breakdown Lark
 — larrylark

This is so incredible in the way it breathes and speaks right down feeling every single line.  Love it!  I'm adding it to my favorites list as I send you a "10."  Awesome poem!  Thanks!
 — starr

Makes me wanna be a can opener too!
 — starr

Dear Starr

Glad you liked it

Larry grateful Lark
 — larrylark

L2: "comatose"

I'll read the whole thing later.

 — unknown

Ooo this was funny, and great writing! Much needed on this site!
 — icepineapple

Dear Teo

Thanks for the spot.

 — larrylark

You're welcome, Larry. I read the whole thing now...

It bleeds reality, and I love that. The grandfather seems so... nostalgically senile. Amazing. Ten for this one.

 — unknown

this is pretty cool, i like it
 — unknown

Strange, yet satisfying.  
 — TypicalMe

very clever!
 — jenakajoffer

Dear Teo

The grandfather is a very accurate reflection of myself

Larry Bananas dipped in engine oil thinking it was treacle Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Typical me

I know what you mean.A bit like a wet fart in a damp breeze

Larry internal combustion Lark
 — larrylark

Entertaining :D i liked it
 — katt

WORD, COMMA, SPACE, NEXT WORD! That indeed is the order I'd prefer to see. This was great. Funny as hell. Wish I had the artistic genius. I love choppy sentences. No. I lied. I don't. They're just conveinent. Or however the hell you spell it. Now that your appliances are dead, I suggest that you beware large rubber cheesecakes. I almost got eaten by one once, and you don't have an oven to put it in. At least not one of working order. Which is important when it comes to killing large rubber cheesecakes.
 — LRayne

Congratulations on the #1 poem, Larrylark  :-)  
 — starr

geniously funny
 — underdog

Dear Katt

If you like it i know all well in the world of Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Starr

Awww Shucks is was nothin' really

Larrybashful Lark
 — larrylark

Thanks underdog ,i appreciate your comment

 — larrylark

Doesn't do much for me.
 — poetbill

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