|The Science Of Domestic Appliance.
The fridge died in the night ,
right under where we lay comatose,
in evening clothes,
faint shudder as its life came to a close,
tremour in socket,
electric knocked back,
shaking sprocket, blue flash
mashed two cockroaches,
who'd Hokey Cokey'd
across cement dust poking between cavity walls.
"Hell of one long hot crusty night for the ice box to stall"
said Gramps staggering round the porch looking for a torch,
then decanting warm beer over early morning beef and muffins.
He sure was short on sense,huffin' puffin', wheezing over the past.
"I'm castin' ma mind back to '62 when the freezer blew,
melted down overnight. Lost half a bull,full hind leg of a horse,
head of a donkey, delivered from source, the day before.
And '85, when a brand new fridge arrived
with the delivery man locked inside. So who the hell'd
bin drivin' the van abandoned outside the front patio?
What about '98 when the T.V. screen blew to smithereens
during the thirty sixth repeat episode of Dallas.
J.R.stuck his ass right out the hole where the glass had been
to pass gas,and how Grandma got a bottle corked it,
and for fucks sake swapped it on e-bay
for a pair of Elvis's nail clippings that stay on the shelf
beneath that fly zapper thats just broke down as i speak.
Hey, get me the spray son. A bluebottles got his teeth into my meat."
At that moment there was a full blown power cut
and the whole house stuttered into silence.
10 Jul 06
Rated 7.5 (8.1) by 4 users.
Active (4): 10
Inactive (15): 1, 5, 5, 5, 5, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(669 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
Add A Comment:
break the news about the toaster gently, very gently, to inutile
Sure as hell i will young timer
Larry from the back of the steam radio Lark
nice. so many images well used. great tongue, can't name the dialect or location, but it's awesome ... unconventional but to perfection. with humor all over it.
dear God, not the toaster!
unknown, no one warned me at all, let alone gently. even if they had, i still would have had to come here - as if i, a mere mortal, could resist the title.
larry, how could you write such terrible things? i'm still trying to recover after the shock and devastation from reading the first stanza.
listen, you think this is humorous? you make me sick.
i feel faint.
but an excellent tribute to those dear, dear appliances.
We are victims of the appliance age.There's one for everything.All those things people used to do for themselves have been egg whisked away, why ,men now have drip dry underpants that never see an iron and the iron is grateful,if its working that is.
Larry plug face Lark
I hope you recover soon.My tip to aid you is to buy one of those brain wave machines ,plug it in and don't fall asleep for if you do you will probably wake up in Abbysinia
Your poetic friend
Larry GP Lark
hehehehehe I like it
Our fridge broke down sometime in the last couple of weks but no one noticed until fur began to creep out through its door.Gramps says"Hey! Sure glad you liked this one and i even wrote a couple of the lines
Larry 19th nervous breakdown Lark
This is so incredible in the way it breathes and speaks right down feeling every single line. Love it! I'm adding it to my favorites list as I send you a "10." Awesome poem! Thanks!
Makes me wanna be a can opener too!
Glad you liked it
Larry grateful Lark
I'll read the whole thing later.
Ooo this was funny, and great writing! Much needed on this site!
Thanks for the spot.
You're welcome, Larry. I read the whole thing now...
It bleeds reality, and I love that. The grandfather seems so... nostalgically senile. Amazing. Ten for this one.
this is pretty cool, i like it
Strange, yet satisfying.
The grandfather is a very accurate reflection of myself
Larry Bananas dipped in engine oil thinking it was treacle Lark
Dear Typical me
I know what you mean.A bit like a wet fart in a damp breeze
Larry internal combustion Lark
Entertaining :D i liked it
WORD, COMMA, SPACE, NEXT WORD! That indeed is the order I'd prefer to see. This was great. Funny as hell. Wish I had the artistic genius. I love choppy sentences. No. I lied. I don't. They're just conveinent. Or however the hell you spell it. Now that your appliances are dead, I suggest that you beware large rubber cheesecakes. I almost got eaten by one once, and you don't have an oven to put it in. At least not one of working order. Which is important when it comes to killing large rubber cheesecakes.
Congratulations on the #1 poem, Larrylark :-)
If you like it i know all well in the world of Lark
Awww Shucks is was nothin' really
Thanks underdog ,i appreciate your comment
Doesn't do much for me.
This comment has been suspended by a moderator.
This comment has been suspended by a moderator.