poetry critical

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cartwheels
hank

i would like a toy
 1
but as you get older
 2
you don't get any at least that you like
 3
those things that turn themselves
 4
into something else
 5
those things that
 6
take you fast and skid out
 7
or make you go up and down
 8
or break your spirit
 9
'cause you just couldn't get it
 10
stuff that would otherwise fill a closet
 11
if only you could stuff it all in
 12
without it cascading down
 13
in a clattering rain upon you
 14

20 Jul 06

Rated 10 (9.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (3): 6, 9, 10, 10

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(452 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

I really like your poem, especially the line about breaking your spirit. Is the lowercase on purpose?
 — Stellaella

yes. and out of convenience. indolence is a natural trait. would the poem benefit from Capitals?
 — hank

ever now and then i try to climb the door frame with all fours, i just can't get as high .. I like you poem -
 — crepaway

nice poem, ending is a little dissapointing however. likin' it though!
 — icepineapple

collect things and plant them!

http://kaleidazcope.livejournal.com/6840.html?mode=reply

i love your poem.
 — bettalpha

I like the poem lower cased. It adds to the child-likeness of the thoughts as does the repetition of 'those' and 'or' and the one-sentence-ness of it all. I can relate to line 10 very much. Lines 12-14 I love. A poem to make you sigh.

smugzy
 — unknown

all your
 — varun

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