poetry critical

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i would like a toy
but as you get older
you don't get any at least that you like
those things that turn themselves
into something else
those things that
take you fast and skid out
or make you go up and down
or break your spirit
'cause you just couldn't get it
stuff that would otherwise fill a closet
if only you could stuff it all in
without it cascading down
in a clattering rain upon you

20 Jul 06

Rated 10 (9.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (3): 6, 9, 10, 10

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I really like your poem, especially the line about breaking your spirit. Is the lowercase on purpose?
 — Stellaella

yes. and out of convenience. indolence is a natural trait. would the poem benefit from Capitals?
 — hank

ever now and then i try to climb the door frame with all fours, i just can't get as high .. I like you poem -
 — crepaway

nice poem, ending is a little dissapointing however. likin' it though!
 — icepineapple

collect things and plant them!


i love your poem.
 — bettalpha

I like the poem lower cased. It adds to the child-likeness of the thoughts as does the repetition of 'those' and 'or' and the one-sentence-ness of it all. I can relate to line 10 very much. Lines 12-14 I love. A poem to make you sigh.

 — unknown

all your
 — varun